Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers
by Fire Gazer the Alchemist
Summary: Lightning Dust, furious after being kicked out of the Wonderbolt's Academy, stumbles into a random bar in order to blow off some steam. Things proceed to go downhill from there. T for coarse/sexual language.
1. Beer is Good And Stuff

**Chapter One - Beer is Good... And Stuff**

The putrid stench of alcohol clings to my pale yellow coat, despite many attempts so far to get it out. I was only three ciders in, but I could tell my coordination was already slipping since I'd just spilled my drink all over myself like some useless drunk.

Soft waves of piano music were falling upon my eardrums as I attempted to clean myself off some more. It was open mic night at the bar, and while the band was professional, the singer was clearly a first-timer. The mare was butchering Filly Joel, aggravating every patron at the dimly lit bar, me included.

"Another cider?" The bartender asks, stopping by my spot at the bar.

"After this?" I ask, indicating my coat. The bartender shrugs with apathy. "Just pour some water in a shot glass and slide me some napkins." I mutter.

"Whatever you say, Rider," came his response.

I sigh inwardly. You know you go to a bar too much when everypony there knows your name. My shot glass of water slides down the bar a moment later. I lazily outstretch a hoof to catch it. The napkins follow shortly after.

Things were content for a while, with even the horrid sounds of the amateur's "Piano Mare" fading away with all the other background noise. The last of the cider finally comes out of my coat, and I leave the dirty napkins on the counter while reaching for my water.

Then the door slams open.

I pause, my hoof already halfway to the shot glass. I'm confused. All of the regulars for a Wednesday night were already here, and it wasn't like anypony else in town was going to hang out in this kind of bar.

Rotating my head, I see an aqua-marine pegasus with a golden-brown mane angrily trudge her way into the bar. I snort derisively, doubtful she was even old enough to be in a bar, let alone drink alcohol. Though based on her manners, drinking was exactly what she intended to do.

She plopped herself down in the seat next to mine and pounded her hoof loudly on the table.

"Cider," she yelled curtly. "And make it quick."

"Uh… ma'am?" The bartender asked. "Are you even old enough to-"

"Just get me a bucking cider," she demands. To appease the bartender, the mare at least flashes a photo idea of some sort. It seemed good enough for him, and he leaves to fill her order. I keep my eyes on her for a moment longer, and that seems to annoy her.

"The buck you staring at?" She growls at me. I whip my head forward.

"Nothing," I say. "Just doubting the legality of your presence here is all." Oh yeah, I was smooth with words… that is, if only I hadn't just slurred all of them. The mare is not amused.

"Why don't you mind your own business?" She hisses. Wow, this mare was itching for a fight.

"Yeesh, looks like this kitty's got a pair of claws," I say. Immediately after I curse myself. Normally I don't say stupid stuff like that, but the cider was getting to me.

"Buck off, perv, before I shove your snout up your ass," the mare says, flaring her wings for emphasis.

_Perv?_ I thought. That word didn't sit well with me.

"I wasn't eye-groping you if that's what you're implying," I state.

"Sure you weren't," The mare grumbles, her mug of cider sliding down the bar table. She grabs it and takes a long chug.

"Look, we kinda got off on the wrong hoof," I say when she finishes. "My name's Dawn Rider, and that was mostly the alcohol talking, not me."

"Oh, so I'm not good enough for you to be attracted to?" The mare suddenly accuses, enraged. "Well damn, I just can't be good enough for anypony today!" She slams the mug down on he table, sending drops of cider everywhere.

_Really? You just got mad at me for staring and now you're mad that I wasn't? Damn, mares are complicated._

"I'm gay," I say, hoping to relief the tension.

Instead of reacting with surprise or grace like most ponies do when learning another was homosexual, this mare just gets more frustrated. "Well congratuponylations. Shouldn't you be at a gay bar than?" She pointedly asks.

"Uh… this _is _a gay bar," I say. The green mare finally shows an emotion other than anger; surprise. Her head darts around the room, and she sees several same-sex couples already hooking up from too much booze. She groans, back to anger.

"Nice, real bucking nice," she seethes. "Of all the bars in Cloudsdale, I end up in the one gay bar. The last thing I need right now is a drunk mare coming on to me."

"Geeze, somepony's a ray of sunshine tonight," I say. The mare shoots me a look full of annoyance. _Oh buck, was that out loud?_

Instead of a heated reply, the mare turns back to her mug and takes a few more gulps. The background noise picks up as a new artist claimed the mic, and one who was actually good.

"I never got your name," I say over the music. She looks at me from the corner of her eye.

"Go buck yourself with a cactus!" She shouts.

"That's a weird name," I reply. "Mind if I just call you Cactus?"

She utters a single snort of laughter. _Progress,_ I sing to myself

"Lightning Dust," She mumbles to me. I put out my hoof for her to shake.

"Nice to meet you, Lightning," I say.

"The feeling is not mutual, Rider," she tells me, but she does shake my hoof.

Lightning Dust goes right back to her cider, leaning her head back as the last of the golden liquid drips down her throat. She slams the mug down on the table with a hearty sigh. "Another," she barks. The bartender grabs her mug and heads for the tap.

"So what's got you so down?" I ask. She doesn't answer at first, but without a mug of cider to run too it doesn't take her long.

"I was kicked out of the Wonderbolt's Academy today," she says, melancholy flooding her voice.

"Oh, you were going to be one of the 'Bolts?" I ask. She shoots me an annoyed glance, clearly not thankful for my use of past tense. "Sorry," I wince.

"Yeah, I was going to be one of them," She mumbles. "But I… sort of screwed up."

"How can you 'sort-of' screw up?" I ask.

"According to Spitfire, I was being too 'reckless' or whatever," Lighting Dust sighed. "I guess she was right… I mean, I nearly killed a few ponies cause of this stupid tornado trick."

I whistle lowly. "Like, the dead kinda killed, or the beat-you-so-bad-it-was-hardly-a-competition kinda killed?"

"Dead," She responds. "My partner saved 'em though. Probably why Spitfire gave her my position and then kicked me out."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I say, tipping back my head to empty my glass of water. Lightning Dust's new mug of cider arrives.

Before she chugs it down she speaks, "So what brings you to this depressing place, Rider?"

She begins to drink as I respond, "I was hoping to find a nice stranger who was willing to suck my cock or the other way around."

Lightning makes a gurgling sound as she nearly chokes on her beverage. She brings the mug away from her lips to catch some air.

"Aww, dude!" She says.

"What?"

"That's bucking nasty!"

"Hey we both like penis, I don't see why I can't say stuff like that," I reason. She shoves me hard, but playfully. I nearly fall out of my stool.

"I'm not having this conversation with a _guy_ of all ponies," Lightning Dust asserts.

"Fine, be homophobic. See if I care," I reply with mock offense.

"I'm not homophobic," Lighting insists. "I wouldn't have this conversation with a _girl_ either."

"What, you and the mares you hang out with don't talk about stuff like that?" I ask. Lightning Dust looks away suddenly. I find myself confused as she sips from her mug.

"What's the matter?" I ask.

Lightning turns back around, embarrassment flushing her cheeks, "I don't really hang around a lot of mares."

"Oh, you're a one-of-the-guys kind of mare then?" I assume. Big mistake.

"I don't really hang around guys either," she says. "In fact, I've got no real friends."

I blink in surprise. "None?"

Lightning nods. "I've always been to busy training, you know? I never made time for friends cause I always was working so hard at becoming a better flier. My dream was to be a part of the Wonderbolts."

"And now that dream is dead," I fill in the blank. Then I cringe. _Dammit Rider, bite your tongue!_

Instead of getting pissed like I expected, Lightning Dust just sadly sinks her head until it's resting on the table. I could see tears threatening.

"Whoa, Lightning I'm sorry," I whisper, patting her back tentatively.

"Don't be," she said, sniffling. "It's not your fault I'll never live my dream."

_I am an ass._

"Don't talk like that," I tell her. "You can still get into the 'Bolts. That Academy is just a summer workshop, it doesn't determine if you get in or not."

"Maybe," Lightning admitted. "But I get the feeling Spitfire won't be too keen on letting me join."

"Screw what Spitfire is keen on," I say. "You'll get in. I have no doubts about it."

"Really?" She asked, raising her head some.

"Hell yeah." I say. "You've got ability, right?"

"You're damn right I do!" Lightning Dust shouts, confidence resotred. "I'm the best bucking flyer in Cloudsdale."

"Then you're guaranteed a spot."

Lightning Dust pounds on the table enthusiastically. "You're bucking right I am!" She declares. "I'm Lightning Dust, best bucking flyer around!" The green pegasus then guzzled the last of her cider and tapped the bartender for another.

"That's the spirit," I say.

Lightning Dust hollers her name and her new mantra a few more times for good measure, stopping only when her new cider arrived. The bartender was also gracious enough to top off my shot glass with some more water, though I felt like I would be switching back to alcohol very soon.

"Thanks, Rider," Lightning says, halfway through her third cider.

"Don't mention it." I say, tossing my head back and letting the contents of the shot glass run down my throat.

"No really," she insists. "I was pretty down on myself coming in here. I owe you one for the pep talk."

"You're welcome." I say. The bartender comes back to check on us, and I make sure to order some cider of my own this time around.

Lightning and I chat a little longer, the only thing in the bar that changed was the open mic singer. Dust kept going on and on about the Wonderbolts and how badly she wanted to join them. Her ambition was admirable, but I got the feeling it kind of defined her.

Granted, she was interested in what I had to say too, which was very little. My life was straight up boring. I was little more than a middle manager at the Weather Factory with a Cutie Mark in interpretive dance, and enjoyed getting my wings done at the spa once in a while (I'm not the gay pegasus stereotype but I would say I'm close).

Two more bottles of cider came and went for each of us, and I found myself amazed by Lightning's tolerance level. Five drinks and she was only starting to loose coordination. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous.

Inevitably, one of the lesbian mares in the bar finally approached Lightning Dust. A gray pegasus with a blonde mane and eyes that were just slightly out of sync. She had been shooting glances at Lightning all night.

Now, I actually happened to know this mare. Derpy was what she went by, despite her real name being Ditzy Doo or some variation of. She had an adopted foal at home named Dinky and was a mail carrier. She wasn't the kind to look for a one-night stand, but instead for a real connection. Dery was also one of the Wednesday night regulars.

Derpy tapped Lightning on the shoulder with nervousness. Lightning - reflexes a little slow due to alcohol - turned around with languish.

"Yeah?" She mumbled to Derpy, who in turn blushed.

"Hi," came Derpy's response. "I'm sorry for just approaching you like this, but I had to tell you that… well… you're very beautiful."

"Oh," Lighting said, realizing what was happening. "I… uh…" she sighed. "Thanks, but I'm not really interested."

Derpy's eyes showed their sadness wholly, and I suddenly felt like clutching my heart.

"I… I understand," the gray mare said, summoning enough courage. She grabbed her drink and left without a word. Lightning turned back to me.

"Aw, come on," I said. "You could've at least flirted with her a little."

"What?" Lighting retorted in disbelief. "Now way. You know I'm straight."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I muttered. "But Derpy's not trying to get into bed with you. The poor mare just wants to find love is all, and she keeps getting shot down. Why not just flirt some? She'd be elated."

"No way, Rider," Lightning said. "I'm not doing that."

I raised my eyebrow. "Did you not just say like five minutes ago that you owed me one?"

Lightning Dust bit her lip, undoubtedly regretting ever speaking those words.

"I didn't expect you to cash in the favor so soon," she admitted.

"Oh, come on," I said, almost pleading. "Just flirt with her for a few minutes. She'll smile, you'll feel good inside, everypony wins." I got out of my seat, hoisted Lightning up, and began pushing her over towards Derpy, who's back was turned.

"But what if she asks me out?" Lightning inquired, desperate to get out of the situation.

_Good question,_ I thought. _Glad it's not my problem._

"You'll think of something to say," I assure her. Before Lightning could issue any more protests I pushed her the last few feet over to Derpy, and scuttled back to the barstool.

I turned just in time to see Lightning bump into the other mare. Derpy turned around and recognized her immediately. The two began talking. It took a while, but finally Dust said something that sent Derpy into a giggling, blushing fit.

She glanced at me, hoping that was enough. I motioned for her to keep going as I grabbed another cider.

Derpy said something as soon as her giggling stopped and Lightning looked real nervous. A few more words were exchanged; Derpy's smile growing brighter. I felt good, thinking I'd done a good deed.

Then Derpy freakin' kissed Lightning Dust out of the blue.

In hindsight, I should have known something like this would've happened. Derpy was drunk off her plot, and Lightning was doing pretty poor in the reflexes department right now.

Speaking of the aqua-marine mare, her eyes were bulging in shock and panic. She tried to lean out of the kiss, but Derpy just leaned in more. Lightning probably would've pushed her away, but Derpy had also wrapped poor Lightning in a powerful bear hug. Dust squirmed a little, and I could see her cheeks bulging as Derpy's tongue explored the insides of her mouth.

Seeing Lightning in a state of panic and helplessness to Derpy like that was too much. I couldn't help myself.

I laughed my freakin' ass off.

Cider was coming out of my nose when Derpy finally released Lightning Dust. The gray mare was a smiling, giggling fit for a few seconds more, before the massive amounts of alcohol caused to her finally pass out into Lightning's forelegs.

My sides were hurting as Lightning gently tossed Derpy into one of the cushioned booths and ran back to the bar table, grabbing her cider.

"You're an ass," she said to me as I continued to laugh. "I really hope I can wash out the taste of mare out of my mouth."

She clumsily stuck the mug in her mouth, guzzling as much as she could. Golden liquid ran down her cheeks and chin before she felt satiated. I was still cracking up.

"That was – haha – the best thing ever," I say, finally calming down. "What the hell did you say to her that made her think _that_ was okay?"

"She was drunk all right?" Lightning said. "Nothing else to it."

"Oh, come on," I said. "Even when she's smashed, Derpy has some sense. You had to have said something that made her think it was a good idea to make out with you."

"I told her…" Lightning paused to slosh down more cider. "I told her that I was too nervous to talk to her before. I said she was the most gorgeous mare I'd ever seen and that I wished I could wake up next to her for the rest of my life."

I whistled lowly. "And you don't think that was coming on a bit too strong?"

"You told me to flirt with her!"

"Yeah, flirt. You all but invited her to a banging."

Lightning's cheeks burned with embarrassment. She reached for her cider mug again, only to find that it was empty. Without missing a beat she ordered two more.

"I guess I've never had much practice with flirting," Lightning admitted, reminding me of her years of voluntary isolation. She sighed.

"Sorry for making you do that," I say as her new mugs arrive. She took one in each hoof.

"It's fine. I don't exactly plan on remembering it," She begins sipping the drinks one after the other.

"You better hope Derpy doesn't," I say. "Not only will you never be able to come to this bar again, that poor mare might just start hunting you down."

"She better forget," Lightning says, halfway through each mug.

"Geeze, you wanna take it easy?" I ask her.

"No," She replies. After another long sip she looks at me. "That was my first kiss, Rider."

"Oh."

_I really am an ass._

"Sorry," I whisper meekly. Lightning doesn't respond at first, muzzle deep in her mug.

"You better be," she says, and I honestly can't tell if it's playful ribbing or not.

I glance around awkwardly I spy the stage. The band was still there, but the mics were empty.

"Hey, I got an idea," I say, grabbing Lightning by the fetlock and pulling her up.

"I'm not flirting with any more mares," she says heatedly.

I lead her closer to the stage. "You won't have to for this."

I get the feeling Lightning finally realized my plan and she begins to struggle.

"Come one dude!" She says. "I'm not doing that."

"Course you are," I say. "It's better than drowning yourself in alcohol."

"I can't even sing!"

"Well we're both drunk so it doesn't matter!" She does not look convinced. "It'll be fun," I insist.

Despite her resistance I manage to get her on the stage. The drunkness takes over, and Lightning finally gives up. I whisper the song title into the ear of an admittedly cute guitarist and he relays it to the band members. I grab the microphone as the band begins pounding out a hard rock tune that fills the bar with energy. A few cheers go up in recognition and I see Lightning Dust eyeballing me. She knows this song.

"_Look in my eyes, what do you see? The colt of personality!" _I see the crowd visibly cringe at my horrible voice belting out the lyrics. I fling my head left and right to the beat of the music, sending my snow-white hair whipping around.

Lightning picks up, "_I know your anger, I know your dreams…"_

Her voice is a trillion times better than mine, but that still means it's horrible. The crowd mutters up a few complaints. Lightning doesn't seem to care.

"_I've been everything you wanna be ohhhh…."_

She smiles wildly; the crowd does not. I laugh.

* * *

The song ends with a rallying chorus of jeers from the crowd. We scramble of stage, laughing manically at ourselves.

"Thank you, thank you!" I say. "You're all too kind." That's fairly true.

Lightning and I stumble back over to the bar table, laughing at ourselves. She goes to grab her mug, but apparently has second thoughts and just sits down.

"Okay, that was pretty fun." She admits with a laugh.

"I'll say. That was flippin' awesome."

"It was still the dumbest thing I've ever done." Lightning says.

"Dumber than flirting while drunk?" I ask.

"Second dumbest," She amends, punching me on the shoulder playfully.

"Maybe you should stop hanging around me then if you're only doing dumb stuff while in my presence," I suggest. She laughs nervously.

"Not only," Lightning says faintly. I remember her telling me about the tornado incident. "But hey, thanks. I had a much better time here than I expected to."

"So does that mean you'll come back again some day?" I ask, curious. She looks around.

"I dunno, this is a gay bar and all," she says. "Not exactly my usual scene."

"What are you talking about? The only pony you've ever kissed was a mare!"

She slams her hoof into her face. "Will you _please_ stop bringing that up?

"Nope," I smile.

"Tell you what," Lightning says. "If I wake up tomorrow and actually remember what happened - and it would be a miracle if I do – then I'll try to show up again."

"I'm here every Wednesday," I tell her.

The bartender announces that it's closing time, yelling at everypony to finish their drinks and kick themselves out.

"Well Rider, it's been fun," Lightning says standing. I reach for my wallet.

Slapping a few bills on the table, I see the green mare's eyes widen.

"You're paying for mine too?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say nonchalantly.

"I drank almost twice as much as you!" Lightning protests.

"Relax," I say. "I can pay for it no problem. Besides, I had a good time."

"Okay, fine."

I get up myself and wobble a little.

"Are you okay to fly home?" Lightning asks.

"I'll call a cab or something." I say. "Last thing I need is an FUI."

"Yeah me too," Lightning says. "Tell you what, we can share a cab, but I cover the cost."

I consider my options. The alcohol money pretty much cleaned me out, so sharing with Dust was probably the best option right now, especially if she was paying. I nod.

We're about to head out when I see a figure dart over, heading for Dust.

"Hey," Derpy says smoothly, already a hangover getting to her. Lightning freezes up, unsure of what to say.

Derpy produces a napkin and a pen, scribbling something down real quick. When she finishes, the gray mare licks the napkin slowly (I think it was meant to be seductive but it just comes off as kind of gross). She slaps it on Lightning's cheek and it sticks. Derpy kisses the other side of Lightning's face.

"Call me," Derpy says heading out the door. Lightning turns to face me, her pupils are marbles and her eye twitches. I see a string of digits on the dirty napkin stuck to her face.

I snort with laughter, unable to control myself. Lightning looks like she might blow up from anger, shock, or both. I open my mouth.

"Don't say it," she seethes at me. I laugh a little more as we walk outside.

"Don't say it," Lightning warns me. I'm practically howling with laughter now. Lightning's cheeks burn furiously with palpable embarrassment.

"So…" I manage in between chuckles. She glares daggers at me. "You gonna call her or what?"

Lightning makes a noise of frustration, ripping the napkin off of her face and crumpling it up.

"No. I'm not gay!"

"Could've fooled me!" I call out.

"You're an ass!" She yells at me, beginning to walk off. It's all in good fun, I think. I follow after her, suppressing my laughter.

"Hey, I just wanted to know."

"You're an ass."

"There are some donkeys who would take offense to that."

"You're an ass!" Lightning says adamantly, but she can't fool me, I see a smile threatening.

A taxi carriage pulled by a pair of pegasi rounds a nearby corner. I flag it down.

"Are we still sharing a cab?" I ask.

"Like hell!" Lightning says, laughing. She flings open the door and climbs in.

"I'll see you next Wednesday then," I say, waving her off. The cab is heading off.

"If I remember!" Lightning calls back and the yellow carriage disappears.

I smile, fairly confident I'd just made a new friend. I'm about to start walking home when I look at the ground and notice something.

_ That's weird,_ I think. _She forgot to throw away the napkin._

* * *

**Just a quick story that came to me. I'll be honest, with my current workload every molecule of my body is screaming that this should be a one-shot, but I don't know. I kinda want to continue it.**

**Maybe I will one day. Depends on the reaction.**


	2. Wake Up

I wake up, and immediately regret it.

"Oh, shit," I moan in agony. My head feels like a hundred fireworks were going off with each passing second. Lying facedown on the floor wasn't exactly helping either.

_Wait, why am I lying on the floor?_

I roll my head painfully on its side, exhaling a warm, beer-reeking breath onto the cloud floor below me. One eye pops open, bloodshot but usable. I see my bed not two feet away. The covers were untouched, proving to me that I had been too drunk last night to walk the extra step to my bed before brutally passing out.

I stagger to all fours, barely able to maintain balance. The aching pain all but splits my head open as I do.

"Never again," I mutter softly. "Never, ever again." It's an empty promise made to an empty bedroom. Of course I'll get drunk again; the same time next week. Just like I did every Wednesday.

The thought of repeating my endless cycle made me curious as to what I had actually done last night. My mind felt like it had been wiped by a neuralizer from that old movie "Mares in Black". I could recall walking into the bar and all the way up to ordering my first cider and then… nothing. Just a blur.

I grunt with irritation. Normally forgetting a night at the bar wasn't a problem for me, but for whatever reason I had a gnawing feeling that something important had happened last night.

Running a hoof through my ratty, white mane I try to concentrate. The memories eluded me. The corner of my eye catches my alarm clock on the nightstand, its red lights blinking to tell me the time was 11:30.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath. I had only an hour before I was due at work. The Cloudsdale Weather Factory allowed workers to sleep in on Thursdays, since it was always the slowest weather day of the week. I was grateful for the perk, seeing as how it was the only way I could drink so much on Wednesdays anyway. Still, if I showed up late my boss would get fairly pissed off.

Taking a whiff of myself, I cringed at the overpowering stench of apple cider and sweat. I needed a shower. Not a bad idea actually, a rush of cold water would wake me up and work towards subsiding my pounding headache. Not to mention I always did my best thinking in the shower.

Stumbling my way to the bathroom I flip the knob in the shower. The pipes squeak as a stream of water flows forth, dousing me. The freezing temperature causes me to flinch and involuntarily swear. Then I voluntarily swear just for the heck of it.

The flurry of cold water dousing my face and soaking my white mane alleviates the hangover ever so slightly. I sigh with relief.

With my headache beginning to fade, my memories of last night become a little more lucid. As the water cascaded down my face, I struggle to recall what had happened.

_Lots of cider,_ I recollect. _That much was obvious. I was… talking with somepony. Who?_

I groan; my volcanic headache was not quite finished with me yet.

"Okay think," I tell myself. I guess I preferred talking to myself out loud; it helps me work things out. The fact that it was a sign of madness was just a bonus. "You and whomever you were talking with were smashed. They couldn't have been a stallion since you went home alone."

_Unless that stallion was straight_, the back of my mind says.

"Yeah right," I tell myself. "What would a straight pony be doing in a gay bar?"

_What a minute…_

"She was straight!" I exclaim, proud to have remembered. "That's why I laughed my ass off when Derpy kissed her."

Memories began flooding back. Bits and pieces of last night were popping back into my head. I'd sung Colt of Personality with that mare. And then there was Derpy's disgusting napkin thing.

The hangover was fading as I switched off my shower, the steady pattering of water receding. I reached around the shower curtain and grabbed a nearby towel, wrapping it around my pale yellow coat before I stepped out.

"This is great," I declare. "I remember everything!"

It was true. As I dried myself off, anything I needed to know about the mare I'd met last night was easy to remember.

How many times had she called me an ass? Four.

Why was she at a bar in the first place? She had just been kicked out of the Wonderbolt's Academy.

How many friends did she have? None.

"Actually," I amend. "Make that one." Of course I could count my self as her friend at this point. We'd gotten drunk together after all.

"Yep," I say proudly leaving my bathroom. "I can definitely say that I'm friends with… uh…"

I contort my face into a worried expression. Even with my hangover all but gone now, the booze from last night had managed to block out one very important memory from my mind.

"Oh buck, what's her name?"

* * *

Lightning Dust emptied the contents of her stomach into her toilet bowl for the second time that morning. She moved her snout away from the porcelain, the bitter bile stinging her throat and tongue.

Coughing, she spat what little remained into the murky water. Sloppily, she shoved her hoof towards the switch and heard the flushing noise reverberate through her tiny bathroom. Just yesterday she had been the most promising cadet at the Wonderbolt's Academy, setting all kinds of records and proving herself better than anypony there. Now, less than twenty four hours later, she was hugging her toilet like it was her own mother. Not that she ever threw up in her mother.

"Gah," she sputtered, a horrible taste in her mouth. Her hoof wrapped around a nearby towel, which she used to wipe off her mouth. Lightning Dust felt her stomach rumble, and her head was pounding, but she refused to leave the toilet in case she threw up again.

When she didn't violently retch for a few moments, the aqua-marine mare decided it was time to get up. Her limbs were difficult to stand on, but she managed to get onto all fours by bracing herself against the toilet. Leaning against the wall, she was able to stumble out of the bathroom. Her glazed eyes glanced tiredly at the clock she kept on the wall.

"Eleven thirty?!" She yelled in terror. Sheer panic forced her onto all four hooves as Lightning prepared to bolt out the door, hangover and all. "Oh shit I'm late for training at the Acade…"

The panic died along with the words in her mouth as Lightning recalled what had happened. She had been kicked out of the Wonderbolt's Academy yesterday. The memory was as clear as glass, and if she needed proof she could just look down at the gaping hole in her slightly vomit stained uniform.

She sunk back down the floor, wrapping her forelegs around the toilet. As pathetic as it sounded – and it sounded very, very pathetic – the porcelain throne was the only comforting thing Lightning Dust had right now. Bitter tears clung to her eyes.

"It's over," she murmured, almost choking on sobs. "My dream is all over."

Being a Wonderbolt was all Lightning had ever wanted. She'd poured countless hours into training, not even stopping after her bull-headed father thought she was overdue for a break. She'd ostracized herself in the pursuit of being the best. All of it just to be a Wonderbolt.

"Buck you, Rainbow Dash," Lightning Dust shouted at the bathroom tiles. Then she collapsed onto them, sobbing. Who was she kidding? It wasn't Dash's fault she was kicked out of the Academy it was her own. She'd been the featherbrain that'd nearly killed five ponies. No wonder she'd drunk herself into a stupor last night.

Last night…

"What the hell happened?" She murmured, cheek pressed against the cooling tiles. Her memories were hazy at best. If only there was something that would jog it.

Lightning Dust gripped the edges of her vomit-ridden toilet and lifted herself up. She reached out to prop herself up against something. Her hoof found her shower curtain. Without a second thought – or first thought, she was hungover after all – she put all of her weight against the flimsy material.

Predictably she fell right through into her shower. Lightning hit her head against the floor with a loud bang.

"Buck!" She screamed. Her head erupted in blinding pain. Ears ringing, Lightning tried to stand up. Failing at that she tried to roll over. When she failed to even accomplish that the aqua-marine mare decided to wait on the floor until the glaring pain subsided.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," she murmured with a dull throb in the back of her head. Her own joke just ended up making her more depressed. As pissed about that as she was, Lighting couldn't do anything about it. She laid her head back on the floor of her shower.

Before closing her eyes, Lightning Dust noticed something at the top of her field of vision. It looked sort of papery, and was caught in her tangled golden mane. She sluggishly reached up with her hoof and lifted it away. Although she intended to just toss it aside, the scribbles on it made her pause. Her vision was too blurry to make out what the writing was, but she could tell it was a napkin. Memories were on the tip of her brain but alcohol's after effects prevented her from realizing what it was.

When she was able, Lightning forced herself to sit up. Blinking, she cursed when she saw the letters dancing across the paper. Eventually the scrawl on the napkin slowly became legible.

_Lighting,_

_Thanks for the kiss.You've got a nice plot. Give me a call sometime, Hot Flanks._

_-Derpy_

Lightning Dust barely made it back to the toilet bowl before she threw up again.

"Sweet Celestia!" She screamed into the foul water in the bowl. "Why did I have to remember that?"

Praying that she had read wrong, Lightning looked back down at the napkin. It said the exact same thing, and even had a small string of numbers right below it. Lightning tried to hurl again, but found her stomach was empty. The best she could manage was some bile-filled saliva, which plopped right into the mixture below her.

"I am going to bucking kill Rider," she said, the memory of kissing another mare plastered to the forefront of her mind.

There was one good thing that came of that napkin; it had given her the jolt she needed to remember. Every alcohol filled detail of last night had suddenly broken through the haze of her mind. From the time she had angrily entered, to the time she had reluctantly left. Lightning contemplated the good time she'd had there. Compared to the rest of her day, it had been amazing.

"I can't believe I went to a gay bar," she said to herself, surprise causing her to laugh slightly at the thought. What she said next, however, really surprised her, "...and I can't believe I'm going back."

* * *

One of the good things about being Derpy Hooves was that she was practically immune to hangovers. A pounding headache, unbearable fatigue, and unstoppable nausea? Hah! It was a walk in the park compared to taking care of Dinky when she was a foal.

Receding out of the abyss of sleep, Derpy's eyes cracked open. The first thing she thought about was how badly she needed a drink of water, though it was really more of an impulse. The second thing she thought about was Dinky.

_Dinky!_

Derpy rocketed out of bed, not even aware of the headache that she had. The gray pegasus was much more concerned about her daughter. She began running out of her room, partially panicking.

_How late did I get in last night? Was Dinky able to get to school today? Did she see me drunk? Oh please Celestia tell me my daughter didn't see me while I was hammered!_

The sound of sizzling omelets on the stove made Derpy freeze in her tracks. Who was making omelets? Dinky was too short to reach the stove – not that Derpy gave her permission to use it anyway – and she couldn't think of anypony else who would be here.

_A burglar?_ She immediately thought.

_Yeah, cause that makes sense. A burglar breaks into your home, but instead of robbing you blind he makes a nice breakfast for you to enjoy._

_Geeze, I didn't need to be that sarcastic with myself._

Her arguing thoughts were cut off as she neared the kitchen and heard a slight humming tune coming from inside. It was a familiar and catchy tune that Derpy was used to hearing. All her worry faded as she entered the kitchen and saw a pale pink unicorn setting the table.

"Sparkler," Derpy said towards Dinky's foalsitter. "What are you doing here so early?"

The teenager grinned at that remark. "Actually, I didn't leave last night."

"Oh," Derpy said. "Did I really come home that late?"

Sparkler nodded. "Oh yeah. Don't worry though, Dinky was asleep long before you got back, Miss Derpy."

"You know you don't need to call me that," Derpy said. "It makes me feel old."

"You are old," Sparkler said, returning to the omelet and giving it a good flip.

"I am not!" Derpy insisted. "I'm in my twenties."

"Nowadays that means your old," Sparkler said with a laugh. "So do you want some omelet? This one's almost done."

"Sure," Derpy said, taking a seat at the table. "So did Dinky make it to school okay?"

"Oh yeah," Sparkler said, taking the thoroughly cooked omelet off the stove. "I made sure to pack a lunch for her and everything."

"Thank you, Sparkler," Derpy said relieved. "So I guess I need to pay you for the entire night then, huh?"

"Nah," she said, dumping half of the omelet onto a plate for Derpy. "The usual's fine."

"I insist," Derpy said. After she tasted the cheese and egg concoction she added, "you've more than earned it."

"Thanks," Sparkler replied, taking a seat. "So tell me, why were you so drunk last night? Normally you're more responsible than that."

Derpy swallowed before answering. "Well… you see I… I met somepony," she admitted, blushing. Sparkler leaned in, intrigued. "I got so drunk cause I was trying to work up the nerve to talk to her."

"Oh, you've got to tell me everything." Sparkler said with a girlish squeal.

"Don't you have to go to school yourself?" Derpy asked.

"Pssh. It's not even noon. The only thing I'm missing is gym. Now come on, stop dodging and tell me!"

Derpy smiled. "Oh okay. Her name's Lightning Dust, and she's gorgeous."

Sparkler nodded, her eyes wide with anticipation.

"It was kinda weird, because at first she acted like she was interested in me. Then I bumped into her again and it was like she was a completely different mare. She said she was just too nervous to talk to me before. I guess her cider gave her to courage to talk to me. She's a master flirt too; you should've heard all the things she said to me." Derpy felt herself heatedly blush at the memory, only slightly fuzzy. "And like I said earlier, she was gorgeous. A total knockout. It didn't take long before I… well, I sampled the buffet if you know what I mean."

"Uh, Miss Derpy?" Sparkler interjected. Derpy glanced at her. "You're drooling a bit."

"Eep!" Derpy brought her hoof to cover her mouth. Sure enough, a thin amount of saliva was spilling over. Embarrassed beyond belief, the gray mare wiped it away.

"So you kissed her?" Sparkler asked, a sly grin on her face.

"Yeah," Derpy said, still able to remember the buzzing her lips felt when the kiss had ended.

"Did she kiss you back?" Sparkler asked. Derpy scrunched up her face in concentration.

"I… I don't know. She might've but…. The memory's all fuzzy. I can't tell."

"Oh," the pink unicorn sighed slightly, upset that that one detail would elude both of them. "Will you see her again?"

"I hope so," Derpy replied. "I gave her my number, but we were both pretty drunk. I wouldn't be surprised if she lost it."

"Maybe she'll be back next Wednesday!" Sparkler eagerly suggested.

"Maybe," Derpy said wistfully.

"Oh, this is just like in one of my romance novels!" Sparkler said giddily. "You'll be there waiting for her at the bar, and just when you think she won't show up, she'll burst through the doors of the bar in a flowing gown and a rose between her teeth!"

Derpy laughed at Sparkler's foolish idea. "Yeah, like _that's_ gonna happen…"

"And she'll sweep you off your feet and dance with you. Then you'll go on lots dates and fall in love with each other!"

"Okay Sparkler," Derpy said. "That's enou-"

"And then you'll get married in a glorious beachside ceremony, with doves and a sunset and I can be your best mare!"

"All right, go to school you hopeless romantic," Derpy insisted, cheeks inflamed from Sparkler's insane fantasy.

Sparkler giggled. "Okay, okay. I'm going."

Derpy made sure to give Sparkler her foal sitting pay before she left. The pink unicorn waved goodbye to her before leaving.

Taking care of the remnants of her breakfast, Derpy did not feel her blush go away. In fact, it grew bigger as the crazy fantasy implanted by Sparkler played out in her mind. She rested a gray hoof on her forehead, laughing softly.

"Yeah," she said. "That would be something…"


	3. I've Found Somepony to Carry Me Home

I stare at the non-alcoholic beer in front of me, disgusted in myself for having ordered such a beverage. When Wednesday finally rolled around I was ecstatic to make it back to the bar and taste the metallic bite of alcohol once more. I'd proudly strolled into the bar, sat down in my favorite stool, looked the bartender dead in the eye and ordered something non-alcoholic.

I swear, the guy looked at me like I belonged in a mental institute. I probably did, all things considered. Seriously, what had possessed me to order something that wouldn't impair my reasoning and judgment?

Swirling the beverage in its glass, I sigh. Maybe it was best that I'd ordered this. After last week, I wasn't exactly keen on getting another monster hangover.

The noise of the bar is pounding all around. There was a massive crowd right behind me, partaking in the unrestrained revelry of a twenty-first birthday party. The tiny stage toward the center of the bar was set up with all the usual instruments for karaoke night, but the band was absent, so nopony had gone up yet.

I wasn't really focusing on anything else. I had retreated into my mind, attempting to elicit the one memory that had eluded me for a full week. The name of the aqua-marine mare from last Wednesday. Try as I might, barely anything was coming to me. I wanted to say her name was Cactus – not entirely sure why – but I had a feeling that was wrong.

As a result, part of me dreaded the return of the straight mare. I was almost hoping she wouldn't show up so I wouldn't embarrass myself. Another part of me was hoping she did come back. Last Wednesday had been a blast for me, and if she became a regular I could look forward to many more Wednesdays like it.

Lost in my thoughts, I instinctively took up the glass and pushed to my lips. The foul concoction that assaulted my taste buds made me gag.

The bar tender shot me a glance of concern as I choked on the non-alcoholic beverage. When I started to calm down, he wryly raised his eyebrow at me.

"No, it's good," I say, answering his unspoken question. I coughed loudly. "Ambrosial even. Best decision I ever made." I raise the glass of alcohol impersonation towards him in a mock toast, press it to my lips again, and take another sip.

The bartender continues to stare at me as I drink the noxious liquid. Half the glass enters my mouth before I fake a swallow. He finally looks away to tend to the needs of other patrons. As he does, I rip the glass away from my mouth, turn, and spit the contents onto the floor.

"Blargh," I say, wiping my tongue with my hoof to rid myself of the taste. "Worst decision of my life."

Bringing my head up, I manage to pick up the whispering sound of the bar door creeping open. I expect it to be Cactus – or whatever her name was. Until I figure it out I'm going to use that – but to my shock it wasn't. It was Derpy.

The gray mare who usually kept to a plain face and a spot in the back of the bar had been transformed for tonight. She wore a pale blue gown that hugged her body and exemplified her curves. I could tell she had been to a salon to fix up her hair. What used to fall across the top of her head with dullness now rivaled the style of Manehattan elites. Even in the poor lighting of the bar, I saw Derpy had forsaken her ritual of going all-natural in favor of some make-up to exemplify the features of her face.

If I weren't gay, I'd be ogling every part of her. With a slight glance around the bare I could tell that every lesbian was currently enamored by the wall-eyed pegasus. She blushed when she realized all the attention that was now on her, then strolled through the bar taking a seat on my left.

"Wow, Derpy," I say. "How many straight mares did you turn gay on your way here?"

She giggled. "Only two. So what are you drinking?"

"Non-alcoholic beer, if you can believe it," I tell her. She bites her lip, thinking for a second.

"Hey, Tap," She yells to the bartender, using his officially unofficial nickname. He turns, nodding his head to silently ask for her order. "I'll have what he's having."

I blink in surprise. Derpy was going sober tonight? What has the world come to?

"Really?" I ask her. She grins.

"Yeah, I can't afford another hangover like last week," she admits, her drink sliding down the way. "Turns out, coming home drunk doesn't set a good example for kids."

"I never would've guessed," I reply with light sarcasm. Derpy laughs under her breath.

_Okay, what's going on here?_ I ask silently. _This is the longest conversation I've ever held with Derpy, and this is the first one she instigated… what's up with her tonight?_

The pieces click together suddenly. The make over, the sobriety, the ingratiating with me. It was all so clear.

Derpy was hoping Cactus was going to show up tonight.

"So, do you know if Lightning Dust was coming tonight?" Derpy asks the question as the realization comes to me.

"Lightning Dust?" I inquire out loud. Then I remember. Cactus's name wasn't Cactus; it was Lightning Dust. _Wow, I'm stupid. _"Oh, her. I don't know… maybe."

Derpy frowns a little upon hearing this, clearly disheartened by the answer.

"What's got you all curious about some random pony?" I ask, dreading the oh-so-obvious answer.

The dressed-up mare fidgeted. Her drink slides right in front of her snout, but she doesn't make a move for it. One eye glanced at me as she spoke.

"Well, I… I kinda… like her."

"Ah," I say with a small, toothy smile. Internally, I scream a little bit.

_Way to go, Rider,_ I scold myself. _What do you think the odds are that Lightning Dust will reciprocate Derpy's feelings?_

I didn't know the gray pegasus in front of me too well, but I did know this: when she fell for somepony, she fell hard. And she had just fallen for Lightning.

I knew it was all my fault too. It had been me who convinced Lightning to flirt with Derpy, and now the poor mare was on the fast track for heartbreak because of my stupid drunken idea. I couldn't break the news to her now… I just couldn't, but waiting would be even worse. I panicked and said the first thing that popped into my head.

"You know Derpy, maybe you should just give Lightning some space,"

Her head snaps to look at me, crossed eyes expressing confusion.

"It's just," I continue. "Lightning isn't exactly in the best place right now… the last thing she needs is to be in a relationship with somepony."

"What's the matter with her?" Derpy asks, a mixture of concern and disappointment.

I pause, wondering if this is something I should even tell a random bar patron. "Lightning's dream was to be a Wonderbolt." I whisper so nopony else could hear.

"Was?" Derpy asks.

"The Academy tossed her to the curb."

"That's horrible!"

"Yeah, and I think with all the emotional turmoil she's facing, getting a marefriend is the last thing on her mind." I tell her. _The very last,_ I add silently.

"Oh," Derpy answered. She bit her lip and looked away. I proceeded with damage control.

"Look, maybe for now you should just try being her friend."

"I don't know, Rider," Derpy says. "I… I really like her,"

A chuckle escaped my mouth before I could suppress it. Derpy shot me an angry glance.

"Sorry," I say quickly. "But you can't be serious. You shared one drunken kiss with Lightning and now you 'really like' her?"

A sheepish grin crept onto Derpy's face. "Maybe…"

I shake my head slowly. "Can you at least _try_ to take it slow? Get to know her a little before you start saying stuff like that."

"And then?" Derpy aks, not needing state her entire question.

"Maybe…" The word slips out by pure impulse. The gray mare smiled slightly. I find myself hoping that my illusion will hold up.

"I guess I got all dressed up for nothing then, huh?" Derpy says softly.

"Try telling that to the two mares you turned gay," I reply. My horrible joke sends her into a laughing fit, and I'm pretty sure only half of it was pity fueled. I bring my glass up to my lips to hide my shamed expression. The alcohol impersonator slides hallway down my throat before I realize what I'm drinking.

The only thing stopping me from gagging was the pony who sat down next to me at that very instant.

"Hey," Lightning grunts at me. She waves towards Tap, silently demanding he take her order.

"Hi," I say. "What took you so long?"

"I had to find this place first," Lightning tells me. "And I wasn't about to ask directions to a gay bar."

"Fair enough." I shrug.

Lightning orders a cider when Tap finally gets around to her. She's different this time around. Last week she'd been angry enough to bite my head off, but now she was so… indifferent.

She sat with ennui, sluggishly blinking and moving only when she had to. It seemed as if all emotion had been drained away. Her Wonderbolt's cadet uniform was gone as well.

Derpy was also looking at Lightning, though I highly doubted we were noticing the same things about her. Lightning eventually caught on to the fact that she was being stared at. Her eyes widened in remembrance when she saw the gray mare two bar stools away.

"Hi," Derpy said through her blush.

"Uhhh…" came Lightning's intelligent reply. I nudge her with my fetlock.

"Say something," I whisper through my teeth.

"Hey Derpy," Lightning musters.

"I… uh… you never called," Derpy stammers.

"Yeah… I…" Lightning sighs. "Look, Derpy I don't want to da-"

"Hey look at that," I interject. "The band's finally arrived." Lightning and Derpy both shoot me glares. I lean back slightly.

"Lightning, I know about your… position," Derpy says, dancing around the words. "I understand completely."

"You do?" Lightning asks, surprised. "It's not awkward or anything?" I realize suddenly that Derpy was talking about the Academy, but that wasn't what Lightning thought.

"It's not," Derpy says. "Do you think we could still be friends?"

The word throws the mare for a loop. She blinks a few times before comprehending. I recall what she'd told me last week about never having friends before. Such a blatant offer must be completely foreign to her.

"F-friends?" Lightning says, testing out how the word sounds.

"I understand if you don't want too," Derpy mumbles into her fake beer, ears drooping. "I just thought-"

"Of course we can be friends," Lightning finally manages.

Derpy's ears shoot up. "Really?"

"Yeah really!" Lightning exclaims. "I can't believe it… my first friend…"

"Ahem," I cough loudly. "Forgetting somepony?"

Lightning laughs a little. "Hey, you're my friend too, its just Derpy asked first, that makes it more official."

I grin, not the least bit offended. Everything had gone so smoothly that I couldn't believe it. Derpy thought Lightning was gay, and was content to keep her affections silent. Meanwhile, Lightning believed Derpy thought she was straight, and had just agreed to be her friend. It was all too perfect. Smiling to myself, I glance over at the gray mare. She didn't look as excited as I felt; in fact, she looked confused.

"What do you mean I'm your first friend?" Derpy asks.

"Oh… I uh, didn't have any friends growing up," Lightning explains.

"That's terrible!" Derpy says. "You must've been so lonely."

"It wasn't that bad…" Lightning says, instinctively reaching for her mug of cider. Both Derpy and I could tell she was lying.

"Well it doesn't matter," I declare. "Your childhood's over and you've got friends now." I raise my glass of non-alcoholic beer. "To drinking buddies!"

"Here, here," Derpy chants, clinking her glass into mine. Lightning watches the ritual for a moment before realizing she had to raise her mug as well. When she finally does, we all tip are heads back and take a good long chug.

That is, until Derpy and I do a spit take.

"Gah! That tasted like piss!" Derpy exclaims. I gag in agreement. Tap shoots us a dirty look as our reaction attracts the attention of some bar patrons.

"Relax guys it's alcohol," Dust says. "It doesn't have to taste good as long as you get drunk."

"Unfortunately this stuff won't do that," I mutter.

"Wait, you're drinking non-alcoholic?" Lightning asks. Derpy and I nod, still reeling from the taste. "Well what the hell for?"

"I don't want a hangover, that's why," I say.

Lightning sniggers, "Wuss." She tips her head back, draining the cider. My eyes narrow at her challenge.

"Tap," I call as she finishes. "We're going to need three more ciders over here!"

"Now we're talking!"

* * *

I had no idea what time it was. The analog clock on the wall was telling, but my eyes refused to comprehend it. I was too drunk to remember what it meant when the big hand was on the eleven and the little hand was on the six. Oh well, it couldn't be that late. Right?

"I just…" Lightning blinks slowly. "I just gotta say… you guys are my best friend –hic – in the whole world. Ya know that?" She falls off her bar stool onto the floor.

"We're your only friend Lightning," I say. Derpy rushes over to pick Lightning up. The drunk mare hobbles back to her stool and sits down. She looks in my general direction.

"You don't have to – hic – remind me, Derpy,"

"I'm Rider," I deadpan. Her golden irises struggle to focus on me.

"Oh yeah," she says. Her hoof goes for her cider mug, but I block her.

"I think you've had enough," I tell her.

We were all passed our limit for tonight. Derpy had politely sipped her two beers in between conversation, refusing to guzzle them down. I was losing my common sense, but at least managed to stop at five.

Lightning on the other hoof, was hammered. I hadn't been counting or anything, but I'd say at least ten ciders had gone her way. Her basic motor skills were beginning to fail her, evidenced by her inability to sit without falling.

The band was packing up for the night, and the birthday party had long since left. Only the late-nighters were still hanging around. A quick scope of the room told me that most of them were mares.

_Great,_ I thought. _So much for getting a bucking buddy for the night._ The back of my mind filed away the fact that this was my second night in a row where I would be going home alone.

One mare sauntered over our way though, beer in hoof. She was aimed right at the pegasus in the blue dress.

"What's up," The mare says, sliding between me and Derpy. Her crazy blue and white mane got in my face, and I found myself turning and spitting out hairs.

"Oh… Hi." Derpy says sweetly.

"Name's Cloudchaser," the blue pegasus smoothly says. "What's yours?"

"Derpy."

"Well, Derpy," Cloudchaser says. "You are extremely hot, you know that?"

Derpy's gray cheeks turned red, "Oh… geeze, well… thank you… I…"

"My place isn't too far from here," Cloudchaser began, her foreleg wiggling around Derpy's shoulder. "If you want we could..."

"Thank you," Derpy replies, shaking off her hoof. "But no thank you."

"Ah… okay then," Cloudchaser says through her teeth. I smirk.

"Ooooh!" I holler jauntily without thinking. Cloudchaser turns to face me. "You just got vagected!"

Suddenly my face is jerking to the right, a stinging pain on my cheek. Cloudchaser walks off, miffed. It was then I realized she'd slapped me.

"Oww," I say slowly, rubbing my face. "That bucking hurt!"

Derpy giggled. "Well you kinda deserved it."

"Am I missing something?" Lightning asks. "What was that thing you said?"

"Vagected?" I say.

"Yeah that… what does it mean?"

"It's the female version of a cockblock," I tell her. She blinks slowly. "You could also call it twat swat, or clam jam, or clitorference..." I continue.

Lightning raises her eyebrow at me. "You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"More than I had realized," I admit. "Still though, Derpy, that was a pretty serious vagection."

"Please stop using that word," she replied. I hold my hooves sluggishly in surrender.

"Even so,"

"I guess it was," Derpy says. "I didn't mean to be rude, but I just wasn't into her. I've just recently decided to save myself for somepony."

"Well whoever she is," Lightning Dust says, grabbing her cider before I can stop her. "She's a lucky mare."

"She sure is," Derpy says with a slightly enamored tone. I notice her staring at Lightning a little more than she probably should be if they were "just friends". I blink with slow realization, but can't get a word in edgewise.

"Sweet Celestia it's getting late," Derpy exclaims. "I better be getting home soon."

Even though I had no idea what the time was, I nodded in agreement. Derpy probably had to relieve her foalsitter before too long.

"Guess we'll see you next week then," I say.

"Yeah…" Derpy says, chewing the inside of her cheek. She starts to walk away, but stops. "You know, a week is too long. Do you guys want to hang out on Saturday?"

"What, you mean here?" Lightning asks.

"No… how about…" she pauses. "How about a picnic?"

"I don't know," I say. "There aren't too many good places in the city for one of those."

"We don't have to do it in the city," Derpy says. "We can do near my home in Ponyville."

I mull over the offer for a bit. It did sound nice after I thought about it for a while.

"I didn't know there was a sky city called Ponyville," Lightning interjects. We both stare at her. "What?"

"Ponyville is on the ground, Lightning." Derpy tells her.

"The… ground?" Lightning says weakly.

"Yeah you know," I say. "The big rocky surface of Earth. If you need directions, just fly downward. Trust me you can't miss it."

"I know what the ground is, Rider." Lightning snaps. "I just… don't know if I want to go to a picnic down there."

Derpy's ears droop with sadness. "Oh… why not?"

"It just feels… inconvenient." Lightning says in a pitiful attempt at lying.

"Don't tell me you're scared of the ground," I accuse. She shoots me a heated glance.

"No!" Lightning says. "I've just… never been there."

Derpy and I both gasp simultaneously.

"As in, never ever?" I ask. Lightning nods a little, slightly ashamed.

"The closest I ever got was when we were on some mountains back at the… Academy," she finally mumbles.

"Dang," I say slowly. Were there really pegasi who had spent their entire lives in Cloudsdale? It was possible and everything, but it sounded so far-fetched. Every pegasus I'd ever talked to had been to the surface on multiple occasions… heck, most of them even lived down there like Derpy.

"Well, now's your chance to see what it's like!" Derpy says, a smile on her face.

"I don't know," Lightning says.

"Don't be a chicken," I taunt her. A hoof flies toward me, making contact with my shoulder. "Ow."

"Don't call me a chicken," Lightning hisses drunkenly. She turns to Derpy. "I'll go,"

"Great!" Derpy exclaims, elated. She looks at me. "Rider, are you coming too?"

I rub my shoulder, now hurting as much as my cheek. "Free food? Of course I'll be there!"

"All right. I'll meet you guys at Ponyville's lake around noon. You guys know where that is?"

Lightning - obviously - shakes her and so do I. Derpy sighs.

"Well, it's the only lake in Ponyville," she tells us. "Can't miss it, I promise."

"Okay," I say. "I guess we'll see you then."

"Bye," Lightning says.

"Good-bye," Derpy calls as she walks off.

Lightning sticks her mug back in her mouth, and I decide I don't have the energy to try and stop her.

"Last call for drinks!" Tap suddenly yells. "Then I'm kicking all of you out!"

"One more!" Lightning demands from her seat. A mug of cider slides her way. She greedily sticks in her mouth, while I finally had enough.

"Can you even pay for all the beer your drinking?" I ask her. Lightning freezes mid-gulp, paralyzed with fear.

"No," she glumly admits after swallowing.

I sigh. "Looks like I'm going to have to bail you out again."

She smiles, "Thanks dude."

"I swear this is the last time I pay for your beer," I say, reaching for my wallet. "You're like a bucking sponge with this stuff."

"I guess I have been drinking a lot," Lightning admits, guiltily staring at her half-finished cider. I notice this as I lay some bits on the counter.

"Hey Lightning, is everything okay?"

"Yeah Rider, everything's bucking peachy," she heated said looking away.

I wasn't exactly an expert on mares, but I was inclined to believe that that meant everything was _not_okay.

"You know, Lightning," I said. "I am your friend, and that means more than just getting drunk with you on Wednesdays. If you ever want to talk, or need help or anything…"

"Help?!" Lightning angrily shouts, turning towards me. I back away slowly. "What makes you think I want your help?"

"Well I-"

"What, do you think I'm some meek and pathetic filly who can't do anything by herself? Is that it?" The remaining ponies in the bar start to look our way.

"No, I never-"

"Well I've got news for you Rider," Lightning shouted. She stood and wobbled a little, her wings flared in anger. "This filly doesn't need help from you or anypony else! I can handle myself, thank you very much." Lightning turns, about to angrily storm off. When she tries however, her drunkenness causes her to slip and fall to the floor of the bar. I wait for her to get back up. She doesn't.

Worriedly, I glance at her. Dust was still conscious, but her muscles were definitely working against her. Eventually she looks at me.

"Rider…"

"Yeah Lightning?"

"… I need your help."

* * *

We didn't have enough money for a cab. This was a combination of me paying for Lightning's booze, and Lightning having absolutely no money at all.

She had one foreleg thrown over my shoulders for support, the rest of her legs dragging along the cloud streets with pure laziness. I'm trying to support her as best I can, sandwiching her body in between a leg and an outstretched wing. It's difficult, especially since we have so far to walk.

"How much further do we have to go?" I grunt.

"Not far," Lightning assures me for the twentieth time. Suddenly her pupils shrink. "Wait, hold up."

I stop, and Lightning Dust turns and retches onto the side of the street. The sound she makes is a cross between a dying cat and garbage disposal.

"Very classy," I mutter. She wipes off her mouth with her fetlock and grins.

"I try."

I shake my head slowly and continue walking. _What the buck does Derpy see in this mare?_

It's several more minutes before my drunken haze clears up a little bit more. I find that we're walking probably the worst neighborhood in Cloudsdale. Worst in the category of quality and worst in the category of you-definitely-don't-want-to-be-walking-around-here-drunk-at-one-a.m-in-the-bucking-morning.

I shoot an uneasy glance at my companion. "You do know where you're going… right?"

"I'm drunk, not stupid," Lightning says. "My apartment is that way."

We continue on in silence, until a rundown building comes into view. Well… rundown might be a compliment now that I think about it. I think it was supposed to be an apartment complex. The paint on the walls was ancient, chipped, and covered in graffiti. Damn near every window was cracked or smashed open and I'm pretty sure I saw a few rats running around.

"Here we are," Lightning says. "Home sweet home."

At first I thought she was joking. I hoped she was joking.

"I'm not joking," Lightning finally says. Her legs begin to marginally work again, and she pulls me toward the building.

We walk a little bit further, and I was grateful to learn Lightning was on the first floor. Eventually she stops me in front of one of the indistinguishable, shoddy planks of wood that might have been a door.

"You got your key?" I ask.

"No, I don't need it," she replies. "You can just kick it a few times and it'll open."

I'm silent.

"What?" Dust asks.

"T-that's not safe," I manage. "You should really get that fixed."

"Just kick the door down so I can get some bucking sleep." Lightning demands.

I strike the door gently with my foreleg and it doesn't budge. Lightning drills me with her golden irises until I attack it again, harder this time. After the fourth or fifth kick it budges, and the door creaks open. The insides horrify me.

"Uh Lightning," I say. "I think you've been robbed."

The aqua-marine mare pokes her head into the apartment. "Nope, it's the same as when I left it."

My jaw slides open. Her apartment – if you could call it that – was a single room mess. On the left side, there was what I assumed to be the kitchen. A single wooden table was upended, surrounded by a filthy floor covered in expired take-out. The fridge was open, but the light was out and there was absolutely nothing in it.

On the right side was her bed, well… the mattress part anyway. There were no sheets or pillows as far as I could see, and it was all torn up. Laying on top was a vaguely familiar Wonderbolt's uniform, but it had acquired many new stains.

There was a door towards the back of the room that likely led to the bathroom. I shuddered just thinking about the horrors that could be in there.

"Thanks for getting me home," Lightning says, heading to her bed.

"You can't be serious," I say. Lightning tiredly looks at me. "T-this can't be your apartment!"

"It is, Rider," Lightning assures me. She gently pushes the cadet uniform to the floor and takes a seat on the bed.

"But it's a mess!" I say. "Worse than a mess even. How could anypony possibly live here?"

"Rider would you relax?" Lightning asks. "It's o-okay." Her voice cracks on the last word.

"Lightning," I say slowly.

"All right, fine!" she screams. "It's bucking terrible! Are you happy now, Rider?"

"No, of course not!" I tell her, taking a seat next to her on the bed. "Lightning, why are you living here when it's so bad?"

"It's the only thing I could afford," she mumbles, head hanging in sadness. "After I got tossed out of the Academy, I had nowhere to go, and practically nothing. I remembered that I had a small savings account, and used that to get an apartment. This shithole was the best I could afford."

I glanced back over into the kitchen, realizing the subpar take-out had been her only food for the past week.

"How much is left?" I tentatively ask.

"I just paid for another week's rent so… none."

"None?" I whisper in shock. Lightning was flat out broke. No wonder she had been drinking so hard earlier. "Lightning, you've got to get a job."

"Whose gonna hire me?" Lightning mumbles. "My only skill is flying really fast."

"Well… what had you planned on doing?" I ask.

Tears were creeping into her eyes. "I had planned on becoming a Wonderbolt after finishing the Academy. I… I don't know what else to do."

"You didn't have a plan B?"

"Of course not!" Lightning says, water leaking from her eyes. "I never needed a plan B until a week ago. And now…" A sob escapes her.

"What about your parents? Can't they help you out?" I ask.

"Yeah right. My parents think I'm living it up at the Academy right now on the fast track to becoming a Wonderbolt. I can't come crawling back to them like this. I just can't." Lightning can't hold back any more sobs, and she wearily rested her head on my shoulder, tears running down her cheek.

Gingerly, I put my hoof around her and pat her back. Having absolutely no experience for something like this made me feel immensely awkward.

"Look, Lightning," I say calmly. "I hate to be the blunt asshole here, but your going to have to either swallow your pride and beg your parents for money, or get a job."

"I know, I know," Lightning mumbles. "I just… I don't even know where to start. I've never been on my own like this."

I think for a moment. "Lightning, do you think you can make it until Saturday?"

She sniffs, "Maybe,"

"Good," I say. "We can talk to Derpy and see about finding you a job down at Ponyville. I've heard it's a nice place, so you should be able to."

"Okay," Lightning mumbles into my shoulder. Just to be safe I grab my wallet and hand her the few remaining bits. "I-I don't want any charity, Rider."

"Consider it a loan then," I reply, getting up. Lightning thinks on it for a moment, but then nods. "Also, be careful sleeping on this thing tonight. I've only been on it for a few minutes but I'm already considering getting myself checked for STD's."

A laugh escapes Lightning's mouth. "All right. You should probably get home, Rider."

"Yeah," I say. "See you Wednesday."

"If I survive that long," she retorts with melancholy.

"You will," I reply, shutting the door behind me. _I hope._

* * *

**Whoo! Third chapter is finally here, and I'm glad I got this one up before vacation. Let me know what you guys think.**


	4. Muffin to Worry About

Cold showers were my least favorite things to do in the morning. In fact, they ranked pretty high on my all time list of least favorite things, just above getting electrocuted. But this morning, I couldn't deny how badly I needed one.

I'd woken up around four a.m. last night, and because life just loves to hate me I hadn't gotten any sleep since. Needless to say, that made me more than a little tired. After spending the better part of the morning arguing with myself, I'd finally agreed to suffer through one.

Now I slowly turned the knob in my shower to off, my body shivering ferociously. I launched out, grabbing a towel and patting myself dry. My mane was still soaking wet, so I wrapped the towel around my head and decided that would be enough.

I left the bathroom shortly after. It was already half past ten, so getting breakfast at this point wouldn't be the best idea with Derpy's picnic in less than two hours. In fact I should probably head out soon. I had no idea how long it would take to get to Ponyville –all I had was a general direction to fly in.

Planning on leaving I walked through my bedroom. Luckily I remembered to take the towel off my head before walking out the door. My white mane was still damp, but I figured enough flying would dry it out before too long. I threw the used towel onto my bed haphazardly.

The act of looking at my bed vaguely forces me to acknowledge its stark emptiness. Truth be told I was getting rather sick of that. It had been nearly two and a half weeks since my last fling. In my books, that was too long to go without bucking a dude.

I took off flying, leaving my house behind. My destination was Lightning Dust's apartment, even though I couldn't really remember how to get there. It wasn't hard to find; all I had to do was look for the shittiest place in Cloudsdale.

I landed just outside the apartment complex, the smell somehow worse now than what it was on Wednesday. I took a deep breath in through my mouth and walked inside.

There was a receptionist waiting in the lobby. Prior to my arrival she had been flipping through an outdated magazine and scratching a rather… unmentionable part of her body. It seemed she was just sleazy enough to work in a place like this.

When I walked in her blue eyes lit up in surprise and she worked to make herself look presentable. I found this a little odd; it was not what I expected her to do at all. I got the vibe that she usually treated ponies with varying degrees of irritation.

"Hi," she says politely, giving me a quick glance over and a smile. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm just here looking for a friend," I reply stopping in front of her desk. "Maybe you can help me, cause I'm not sure what her room number is."

"Yeah absolutely," the orange mare says, reaching for something. "Let me just grab the tenant listings. What's her name?"

"Lightning Dust," I say.

"Okay, no problem," she says, glancing up at me and then looking down at the list. "So is she like your marefriend or something?"

"Lightning? No, she's not really my type," I reply casually. The orange receptionist smiles like she just won the Wonderbolt's Derpy and leans closer to me.

"Really? Well, what is your type then?" She says, a hint of sultriness in her voice.

It finally cracks through my thick skull that she's flirting with me. It gives me a slightly mean idea. I lean in close to her so that our muzzles were barely an inch apart. Smiling, I say, "Male and breathing."

The orange mare stiffens, cheeks flushing red. "O-oh. Okay then." I can tell she feels immensely awkward right now, so I fight the urge to cackle with laughter. "Uh… It says Lightning is down that hall. Should be the third door on your right."

"Thanks," I say, grinning more than I probably should. The receptionist looks like she wants to crawl underneath her desk. Vaguely, I wonder if I shouldn't use my sexuality to make other ponies uncomfortable.

Lightning's door – and I use that term very loosely – is partially cracked open when I reach it. I knock as gently as I dare, but it still starts to slide open anyways.

"Hey, Lightning, you here?" I call out. A muffled groan answers me. Walking inside I find her lying face down in her bed. "Hey, get up." I tell her.

"Too tired," she mutters.

"It's practically eleven," I say. "And you've been lying in bed all day. How are you _still_ tired?"

Lightning rolls over, the bags under her eyes very noticeable. "Because sleeping on this cloud is like sleeping on a sack of rocks."

_Well there's a sentence that has never been uttered before,_ I think to myself. To Lightning I say, "Don't you want to get to the picnic soon?"

"I guess," she mumbles into the cloud bed.

"Still nervous about touching the ground for the first time?" I ask. She weakly nods. "Well let me put it to you this way," I say. "On the ground right now is our friend Derpy with a basket of free food, and the possibility of a job."

This causes Lightning's head to drift off her shoddy mattress. "Okay."

She rolls off the bed and lands on the floor with a thud. I flinch at the impact. Clouds were not supposed to make thud noises. It only reaffirmed my decision to get Lightning out of here as fast as possible. I bend down and help her up.

"Thanks," she says, rubbing the back of her head.

We leave Lightning's room, the aqua marine mare slamming her door closed. As we exit the building, the receptionist noticeably avoids eye contact with me, which of course causes a little smirk to crawl onto my face.

Outside, I unfurl my wings, and Lightning follows suit. We lift off, and I notice the simple act of flying seems to have an affect on my friend. Her sleepiness is battered away and she swoops around in the sky gracefully. With a deep breath she soaks in the fresh morning air and climbs to a higher altitude. I flap harder to catch up.

"Well somepony's certainly feeling plucky," I remark as we pass over the edge of Cloudsdale. Lightning smiles.

"Yeah," she replies. "It's crazy but… I almost forgotten how good flying feels."

"Haven't been doing a lot of it lately?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"I haven't been doing much of anything lately," she admits. "Sans drinking."

"Yeah I hear that," I reply. "Lately it feels like nothing significant happens to me unless it's at that bar."

"It's kinda why I'm looking forward to this picnic," she says. "I need a change of scenery."

My stomach grumbles. "I just need some food," I reply. "I skipped breakfast this morning."

Lightning stomach growls, giving mine a run for its money. "So did I," she mentions. "And… dinner last night."

I suddenly feel guilty about being hungry. "Was my loan any help?" I wonder aloud.

"It got me a few meals worth of fast food," Lightning says. "I swear I'll pay you back every bit I owe."

"Nah, you don't have to," I reply.

"Yes I do," Lightning affirms. "Otherwise it's charity, and you know how I feel about that."

"Fine, fine," I mutter. "Be a stubborn mule and insist on giving me money. See if I care." I did actually. I hated the idea of Lightning feeling that she owed me.

"So where's this town we're going to?" Lightning asks, having already forgot the name.

"Ponyville," I remind her. Pointing with my hooves southward I say, "Somewhere in that direction."

"Got it," she says. Without wasting a second, Lightning catapults herself forward. The wind generated by this is enough to knock me back a few feet. When I recover, I see Lightning Dust already halfway to the horizon.

"Holy shit!" I shout in earnest shock. In the distance, Lightning looks back and stops. She's back next to me in the span of four seconds.

"Sorry," she says. "Sometimes I forget my own speed."

"Damn Lightning, you left me in the dust," I say. "That was just… wow."

Lightning blushes at my fanfare. We begin flying, this time she let me set the pace. "It wasn't that impressive."

"You bucking kidding?" I ask. "I'm no expert, but I'd say you went from zero to a eleven wingpower in the blink of an eye. In mid-air to boot."

"Like I said, not that impressive," Lightning says. "Normally I do better than that."

"No bucking way," I say.

"I'm serious. I can do better than that when I'm not so tired and hungry," she replies, swerving to avoid a wayward cloud. "Wait, can't you do that?"

"Absolutely not!" I say. "I'm lucky to hit eight wingpower when I'm at my best. I think the fastest weather worker I know can barely hit ten, and that's after a gravity assisted plunge dive."

"Really?" Lightning says dubiously. "I'd always thought most pegasi were better than that."

"Like hell we are," I tell her. "Have you ever measured your wingpower?"

"No, my dad could never get the right equipment for it," she says. "But I always wanted to know."

"You're probably off the charts," I say. My vision suddenly hones in on a series of small buildings on the ground. I begin to descend and Lightning follows me.

"You really think so?" Lightning asks.

"Hell yeah," I tell her. "You could take frickin' gold at the Equestia Games."

Lightning smiles at the thought of that. We're hovering about five feet from the ground now, and I begin looking around. "You see a lake anywhere around here?"

"Hang on a sec," she tells me. I'm about to ask why, but she rockets up into the sky again. She's down a second later, just like she said.

"I found it." Lightning grabs my hoof and suddenly we're zooming through town. We blow past a newsstand, launching the papers into a cluttered mess. The mane's of ponies whip aside as Lightning flies by. I find myself impressed again, seeing as how she's dragging me as dead weight and still going fast.

A lake speeds into view and Lightning mercifully slows down, coming to a halt. I slide onto the ground, my white mane blown into a completely new style from Lightning's flight. As I work to straighten it, I notice Lightning hasn't landed yet.

"Nervous?" I ask. She glances at the ground with uncertainty. I pat the green blades with my hooves. "Don't worry Lightning, grass can't hurt you."

Biting her lip, she lowers herself a few inches, then immediately flies back up before she comes close. I groan. "Lightning Dust, you're touching the ground, not loosing your virginity. Just do it and be done already."

"Don't rush me!" She yells back.

"All right fine," I say, lying down. "I'm gonna take a nap then." My eyes close. "I'll probably wake up long before you get close."

"Not funny, Rider," she tells me. I don't respond, except for a subtle snoring noise. Lightning pokes me. "Seriously dude, not cool,"

"Maybe if you were on the ground I would wake up," I tell her. I don't hear a response for a while. Then Lightning nudges me indignantly.

"Rider," she says. "Grass feels weird on my hooves."

My eyes jut open and I see four aqua-marine hooves firmly planted on Earth's grassy surface. I smile widely

"Congratulations," I say. "You've just done what thousands of ponies do everyday."

"Don't ruin the moment with your sarcasm," Lightning says, "Come on, I think I see Derpy waiting for us."

I hop to all fours and glance around. About a quarter of the way around the lake I spotted the red checkerboard pattern of a picnic blanket. There were two ponies already there.

"Let's go," I say, brushing the clinging grass from my coat. Lightning gets into a take off position, but I hold out a foreleg to stop her. "Why don't we walk there?" I suggest. "Unless you think you can't handle it."

She responds to my challenge very maturely and hits my shoulder. After a sharp under-the-breath cursing, I start walking. Lightning is a little more tentative, almost like she has to force herself to push each hoof forward. Each time her hoof touches the ground I get the feeling she expects it to sink down slightly, like it does on clouds.

We near the picnic blanket and Derpy waves to us. I take note of the second pony sitting by her. He was a chestnut brown Earth pony with a green tie on. Curiosity takes hold and I could tell Lightning was feeling the same. Though she might not have been thinking quite the same thing as me.

_Damn, he's hot._

Derpy happily bounds up to us. "Hey Lightning. Hey Rider."

"Hi Derpy, good to see you," Lightning says. Derpy smiles and brushes some of her blonde mane behind her ear. The chestnut stallion walks up to us.

"Oh," Derpy remembers. "Guys, I hope it's okay if I invited another friend of mine to eat with us."

"Of course it is," Lightning says, happy for an opportunity to make a third friend.

"Nice to meet you both," the stallion says, his voice like butter. "My name is Time Turner."

"Good to meet you. I'm Lightning Dust." She offers a hoof and Time Turner shakes it. He turns to me.

"Hi, I'm Dawn Rider," I say shaking his hoof. The next thing I say stupidly rolls out before I could stop it. "You're really sexy."

"What?" Time Turner says.

"What?" I echo.

"What?" Derpy says looking at me.

"What?" Lightning says doing the same.

"What?" I reiterate.

There's a very long, very awkward silence that follows. The back of my neck breaks out in a cold sweat as I mentally shoot myself in the head.

"Uh… I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. What did you just say?" Time Turner asks.

"I said what," I reply.

"No, before that," Time Turner specifies.

"I also said what," I say, begging for the topic to be dropped.

"Before that," Time Turner says, irritated now.

With a sigh I say, "I… called you sexy."

"Ah," Time Turner replies, expression unreadable. "So I did hear you correctly."

My yellow face is beet red by now. "Can we just pretend I never said that?"

"No, I don't think that's possible," Time Turner says. "But… for your sake I'll pretend I never heard it."

I breathe with relief. "Thank you."

"I definitely heard it," Lightning says.

"Me too," Derpy adds.

"Shut up both of you," I say through clenched teeth. All three of them laugh. I would be glad we were getting along, but I'm not considering it's at my expense.

"You guys ready to eat?" Time asks, gesturing to the picnic.

"Hell yeah," Lightning says. She's the first one to sit down. Derpy giggles at her enthusiasm and begins to grab out food. Her choice of snack doesn't surprise me.

"Blueberry muffins?" Lightning asks. "That's an interesting choice for lunch."

"Yeah," Derpy says with a slight blush. "I just… really like muffins. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is," Lightning says, ecstatic. "I love muffins!"

"Really?" Derpy asks, surprised.

"Yeah, they were practically the only thing I would eat as a kid," Lightning says, digging into one.

"Wow," Derpy says. "I guess that's something we have in common." She inches closer to Lightning, and brushes her hair out of her face again. Lightning notices this and starts to raise an eyebrow.

"So, Turner," I say changing the subject before we got into dangerous territory. "What do you do for a living?"

"I work with clocks," he says. "Building and repairing mostly."

"You make it sound like you don't do anything," Derpy says. "When we both know you spend practically every hour of the day cooped up in that tiny workshop of yours."

"Not every hour," Turner replies with mock offense. Derpy rolls her out of sync eyes as Time Turner turns to me. "She thinks I don't get out enough."

"I bet you don't," I say. He huffs.

"So what do you do, Dawn?"

"You can just call me Rider," I say. Nopony called me by my first name, mostly cause I hated it. So why it sound so great when Turner said it? _Maybe I should let him call me by it._ Suddenly I become aware that I still have a question to answer. "I just work as a supervisor at the Weather Factory."

"Really? I would think that with your Cutie Mark you'd have a different line of work."

I glance back to the silhouetted pony on my flank in the middle of dancing. Wait, does this mean Turner was staring at my plot?

"It's kinda hard to make it as a dancer," I reply. "Especially since I mostly do interpretive."

"I'm sure you could make it," Derpy says. "Have you ever actually tried?"

"I auditioned for a few musicals," I reply.

Lightning takes a break from inhaling her second muffin. "Wow, a gay guy in a musical. How are you that much of a stereotype?"

"Be quiet," I demand.

"Did you make it into any?" Turner asks, ignoring the interruption.

"I did two back in college," I say. "Manespray and Robin Hoof."

"Wait, Robin Hoof?" Derpy asks. "I think I saw that one."

"Was it at the Cloudsdale Community College Theater?" I ask with slight nervousness.

She gasps. "Yes! You were the Sheriff of Trottingham weren't you?"

"Yeah," I groan.

Derpy claps with delight. "I remember! You were so good. Though I thought your costume was... let's say hilariously bad."

"It wasn't supposed to be," I say going for a muffin. "It was supposed to be a serious representation of medieval clothing."

"Well it wasn't, especially not with those unflattering tights."

Lightning Dust erupts with laughter. "You wore tights?!"

The blood under my cheeks burns. "I said be quiet, or I'll shove your muffin up your ass!"

"Hey, don't disrespect my muffin!" Derpy says. At first I think she meant the food she made for us, but the slight tinting of her cheeks tells me 'muffin' might have been a cute little nickname for somepony.

I think I'm the only one to pick up on this, as Lightning is still howling with laughter, and Time Turner is fighting to suppress his own.

"Well," Turner says with the slightest chuckle. "You'll have to let me know when your next musical is. I've just got to see it."

"Don't expect it to be soon," I mumble into my muffin. "I'm not exactly Bridleway material."

"Don't feel bad Rider," Lightning says, coming down from her laughter high. "In all seriousness you probably could make it if you tried."

"Thanks," I reply. It was nice to have a little support, even if those old dreams had died years ago. "So Derpy, you got anything besides muffins?"

Derpy checks the basket. "A few daisy sandwiches if you're up for them."

I nod, as does Time Turner.

"I'm good with just the muffins," Lightning says. "Derpy, did you make these yourself?"

"Yeah," Derpy says, a little bashful as she hands me a sandwich. She tosses the other over to Turner, who gracefully drops it on the ground.

"Well they're wonderful. You're an amazing cook." Lightning tells her, working on muffin number four.

Derpy goes into a full on blush from that one compliment. I feel like I should interject before something goes south, but I'm already biting into the sandwich.

"I'm glad you like them," the gray pegasus says. "If you ever want them again I'd love to bake some more for you."

"I may just have to take you up on that offer," Lightning Dust says, licking the crumbs from her hooves and going for a fifth. I'd make a comment about the excessive eating, but considering Dust hasn't had food in Celestia knows how long I save my breath.

"It's such a nice day," I remark instead. "I wish I'd brought a Frisbee or something."

"We could always race if you want to do something physical," Lightning suggests.

"Oh sure, because that's fair," Time Turner laments. "Three pegasi and an Earth pony in a race. I wonder who doesn't stand a chance."

"It's not like Derpy and I have much hope for winning," I tell him. "Dust is practically a professional athlete."

"Really?" Turner asks, looking at her in modest admiration. "That's impressive."

"Well, not exactly," Lightning says with a slight downtrodden tone.

"Oh quit the self-pity party," I call out. "I've seen what you can do, and I guarantee the Bolt's will be knocking down your door and demanding you join them before too long."

She offers a smile, but dives for another muffin. Turner looks at me.

"What am I missing here?" He whispers to me.

"The Wonderbolt's Academy kicked her out," I whisper back. Time's expression shows he knows not to press the issue.

"So who's up for that race?" I ask, hoping to lift Lightning's spirits a little.

"I'll do it," Derpy says. "I've got to see just how fast you can go, Lightning."

"Okay sure," she replies, leaving her fifth muffin halfway finished. I cram the rest of the sandwich in my mouth.

"I'm going to sit this one out," Time decides. "But I'll at least be the referee."

"Sounds good," I say. I dig a line in the dirt. "We'll do a lap around the lake, starting and finishing here."

"Okay," Lightning says, stretching her wings in preparation. All three of us take up our starting positions.

"Ready…" Time Turner says. "Set… Go!"

Lightning takes off like a bullet, kicking up the dirt near Derpy and me. I spit, and wipe my eyes. I'm in the air right after Derpy. Glancing, I see Lightning already at the halfway point.

As impressed as I am, I keep going. Derpy and I round the corner, and we end up neck and neck for the rest of the race. When we finally reach the finish line, Lightning is reclining on the ground.

Derpy pulls ahead of me at the last possible second, leaving me to cross last.

"Nice job guys," Lightning says a little snarky. "I have to admit, I was on the edge of my seat wondering who would get second place."

"Ha ha," I mutter, a decent amount of sweat on my face. Derpy hovers over to Lightning.

"You were amazing," she says, just a little short of breath. "I've never seen anypony move that fast."

"Thanks Derpy," Lightning says. "You did pretty great yourself."

The gray mare's face was already red from exertion, but I was willing to bet there was a blush hidden in there.

"Any food left?" Lightning asks Time, who was closest to the picnic basket. He checks.

"Just your half-eaten muffin," he replies.

Lightning goes over and pops it in her mouth.

"She's pretty hungry today," Derpy observes.

"Yeah, she uh… skipped breakfast," I say, leaving out the rest.

"Well that isn't right," Derpy declares as she walks over to Lightning. "Still hungry?" she asks, knowing the answer.

"Just a little," Lightning says, realizing how much she'd eaten so far.

"If you want, we can head over to my house and bake some more muffins," Derpy offers.

"Really?" Lightning asks, surprised by the offer. Derpy nods. "Sounds awesome, let's do it!"

Realizing the situation could take a turn for the worse if those two were alone, I decide I need to go too. "Mind if I tag along?" I ask.

"Sure," Derpy says. "I bet my daughter would love to meet the Sheriff of Tights-ingham." I groan loudly while Lightning laughs. Derpy turns to the fourth member of our party. "Time Turner, do you want to come too?"

"Sounds like fun," he says with a light smile.

"All right, let's go!" Lightning yells, taking off.

"Wait Lightning, you don't know were I live!" Derpy calls out, flying after her.

I decide to walk after them alongside Time Turner. He looks at me and says, "You know, Derpy didn't tell me she'd gotten a marefriend."

"Marefriend?" I ask. "Oh, you mean Lightning. No, they're not uh… dating."

"Really?" Time Turner replied. "That's not the impression I've been getting based on how Derpy's acting around her."

"Yeah," I respond. "She's just a little infatuated is all."

"More than a little," Time replies.

I'm silent for a moment. "Turner?" I ask. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Depends on what that secret is, Rider," he replies.

"Lightning Dust isn't gay," I tell him.

"What?" Turner asks, his pupils widening. "But Derpy said they met in a gay bar! If she was straight why would she be in one of those?"

"Long ass story, that's why," I reply. "But please don't tell Derpy."

"How can I not tell Derpy?" Turner asks. "She's one of my best friends, and I can't have her be led on like this."

"She's not being led on," I justify. "You've got nothing to worry about." He gave me a look displaying absolutely no faith. "Look, Derpy will stay infatuated for a little while, realize dating Lightning won't be in her best interest, and move on."

Time Turner shakes his head. "Uh-uh, I know Derpy, and that's not how she works. She's falling for her, Rider, and it won't end well."

I cringe inwardly. "Isn't there a chance my plan will work?"

"Not a snowball's in hell," Turner says. "But for your sake and hers, I hope I'm wrong."


	5. Eleemosynary

"Lightning Dust, please slow down a little!" Derpy cried out. She was going as fast as she could, but was still losing ground to her aqua-marine friend.

_How in Equestria can one pony be this fast?_ Derpy thought. Then another question popped into her mind. _How could the Wonderbolts not want her?_

Lightning finally turned her head around and saw how far behind everypony was from her. She halted in mid-air and waited for Derpy to catch up. When she looked back the gray pegasus saw that Time Turner and Dawn Rider were still a ways away. They appeared to be talking.

"Whoops," Lightning said, drawing Derpy's attention back around. "Sorry. I keep forgetting how slow you guys are."

"I'm not slow," Derpy argued, giving Lightning a nudge. "You're just fast."

Her friend grinned wildly. "Yeah, I know."

Derpy giggled at Dust's bravado. It was definitely one of her cutest traits. _Wait… cute?_ She realized. _No Derpy, don't think like that. You're just supposed to be Lightning's friend and nothing more._

"So are we almost there?" Lightning asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh… uh, just about," Derpy told her. Lightning nodded glad they were almost at their destination. They flew in slow silence for a moment. It was clear to Derpy that her friend had a question on her mind; just the expression was enough to give it away. "Something you wanted to ask?"

"Huh?" Lightning said. "Uh, yeah."

"Well go ahead," Derpy told her. "You can ask me anything."

_Please ask me out,_ the desperate part of her screamed.

_Shut up, brain!_

"You mention earlier that you had a daughter. I was just wondering how you could have one and all given that… well… homosexuality and such…"

Derpy gave a short laugh at that. "I adopted her, silly."

"Oh right," Lightning said. "That makes sense. Though, if you don't mind me asking… why?"

"What do you mean?" Derpy asked.

"It's just… you can't be more than a few years older than me," Lightning said. "So why did you adopt her when you're so young?"

Derpy frowned a little. "It's a bit of a long story."

"Can you give me the condensed version?" Lightning asked. "Otherwise my curiosity will drive me up a wall."

The gray pegasus sighed reluctantly. "I was actually nineteen when I adopted her. You see, all throughout high school I only dated one mare, and when we graduated we were certain that we'd be together forever. We wanted to start a family right away. So we adopted Dinky and raised her together for a few years."

"What happened?"

"I screwed everything up," Derpy said bluntly. "We got into this huge fight about something that was all my fault and… she just left me."

"What? How could she do that?" Lightning asked, stunned.

"Pretty easily actually," Derpy responded. "Ponyville hasn't legalized gay marriage – mostly cause our mayor is a bit of a tool – so there wasn't any divorce paperwork needed. She just packed up and moved out. We didn't even fight over Dinky. I signed the adoption papers, so I was her legal guardian. There were absolutely no strings attached for her, and now I'm a single mom at twenty-three."

Lightning Dust was stunned into silence for a moment. "T-that isn't right."

"I know; I couldn't believe it either."

"But I thought you said you two were in love," Lightning protested. "You were together for years. How could she just leave you and Dinky like that?"

"I left out a lot of details," Derpy replied. "After all, you wanted the condensed version."

"Well what's the full version?" Lightning demanded. Derpy looked away.

"Look Lightning, it's not exactly something I like to relive."

"Oh," the aqua-marine pegasus said, realizing the uncomfortableness of the topic.. "Sorry… it just makes me so angry that somepony would do that to you."

"It does?" Derpy asked, her cheeks feeling a little warm.

"Of course it does," her friend said. "You're my friend, and quite possibly the sweetest mare I've ever met. Knowing that somepony hurt you like that just makes me want to punch them in the face."

"Wow," Derpy said, her blush deepening. "T-thanks Lightning."

"I'm serious. If you ever see her again, just call me and I'll bash her snout in for you," she affirmed.

Derpy smiled warmly. She was touched that Lightning was willing to physically maim her ex in an attempt to make her feel better. She was also a little disturbed, but mostly touched.

"Hey is that your house up there?" Lightning Dust asked. Looking ahead Derpy saw a familiar wooden home of modest size.

"Yep," Derpy replied. Her home was getting larger by the second, so the two pegasi slowed their flying and landed on the ground mere feet away. Derpy turned to head to gage the progress of Rider and Turner. They were specks in the distance.

"Hey move it you two!" Lightning yelled at them. They showed no signs of picking up their pace.

"Let's just go in," Derpy decided, turning back to her door. "They'll catch up soon." She turned the knob and gently pushed her way into her home.

As they entered, Derpy observed Lightning Dust look around in slight awe.

"Wow," she said. "You're home is very nice."

Derpy blinked once and took a good look around her house. The cheap furniture had an unhealthy layer of dust coating it, the photos on the walls were crooked, and the plastic vase full of flowers she kept for decoration were drooping and hadn't been watered in days.

"Nice?" She asked incredulously.

"Well, nice compared to where I've been staying," Lightning amended.

Derpy furrowed her brow, the statement picking at her curiosity. "Where-"

"Mommy!" A high-pitched voice squealed with excitement. Turning around towards the living room, Derpy smiled and barely had time to brace herself. Dinky bounded into her mother's outstretched hooves with joy-fueled hop.

"Hello, my little muffin," Derpy said to her daughter.

"I missed you, mommy," the unicorn filly said, squeezing her adopted mother tightly. It was adorable that she felt that way, even if Derpy hadn't been gone for more than an hour or two.

"Aw, I missed you too, Dinky," Derpy assured her. She kissed the small filly on her forehead.

"Uh," Lightning Dust interjected. "I kinda feel awkward just standing here."

"Oh right," Derpy suddenly remembered her friend was right next to them. She set her daughter back on the floor. "Dinky, this is my friend, Lightning Dust."

"Hi," Dinky chirped, happy to meet a new pony.

"Hey kiddo," Lightning replied with a smile.

"Lightning Dust?" A new pony's voice said. Derpy turned to see Sparkler entering the room. The pink unicorn glanced at he Lightning and suddenly gasped. "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You're the pony that Derpy lo-"

"Sparkler!" Derpy suddenly interrupted through clenched teeth. "Glad to see you're still here. I'd like you to meet my _good friend_ Lightning Dust. Say hi, Lightning."

"Uh… hi?" Lightning said, perplexed by the situation unfolding. Sparkler looked just as confused. _That was too close,_ Derpy realized. _I've got to separate these two._

"Hey, Dinky," She said.

"Yeah mom?" Dinky asked.

"Lightning here was hoping to bake some muffins with us. Could you take her into the kitchen and get started? I need to have a quick chat with Sparkler."

"Okay!" Dinky replied. "Come on Ms. Lightning, I'll help you get started!" The filly grabbed one of Lightning's green hooves and began dragging her into the kitchen; she was overly excited to bake one of her favorite treats.

As her friend was pulled out of the room, Derpy released a sigh of relief. Sparkler was still wearing of look of confusion.

"What was that all about, Ms. Derpy?" She asked.

"Sparkler, listen to me very carefully," Derpy said. The teenager leaned in. "Lightning Dust and I… we aren't dating."

"What?" Sparkler cried. She was quickly shushed by the gray mare, who was paranoid that Lightning would overhear them. "But… the rose… the dancing… the doves…" Sparkler murmured each part of her asinine fantasy and Derpy shook her head at all of them.

"Sorry Sparkler, but none of that's happening as of now."

"B-but why?" She asked. "I thought you liked her. Why didn't you ask her out the second you saw her again?"

"It's… complicated," Derpy replied.

"I don't get it," Sparkler mumbled. "You like her, and she likes you, right?"

"Actually," Derpy said. "I… uh… I don't know if she likes me that way. I didn't ask her out because-"

"You don't even know if she likes you!" Sparkler exclaimed. Derpy cringed, fearing Lightning heard. When no reaction came from the kitchen, she relaxed. "How can you not know?" Sparkler continued. "Is it not eating you up inside? How can you stand it, not knowing if the mare you have a crush on likes you back? Why, if it were me I'd-"

"Sparkler please stop," Derpy interrupted. The last thing she needed right now was this crazy filly putting ideas in her head. "Just… don't mention my feelings to Lightning, please. Right now she needs a friend, so that's what I'm trying to be."

"Okay," the pink unicorn agreed. She still looked a little upset that Derpy was still without a marefriend.

"You wanna stay for muffins?" Derpy asked, knowing it would cheer her up.

Sparkler smiled. "Totally."

"Well come on then, I'm sure they could use our help." They began walking towards the kitchen, only to be interrupted by an opening door.

"Thanks for waiting for us," Dawn Rider said with a sardonic voice.

"Sorry," Derpy returned with an equal amount of sarcasm. She watched as he and Time Turner entered, and she noticed the brown stallion was carrying her picnic basket. "Oh thanks for grabbing that," she said. "I'd completely forgot."

"Yeah, we doubled back to grab it," Turner informed her. "It's kinda why we took so long."

"Well I appreciate it," Derpy said, taking the picnic basket from him and haphazardly tossing it aside. "Come on, if you hurry, we can still help with the muffins."

* * *

"Uncle Time Turner!" a pale purple filly screeches in delight. She bounds over the kitchen table – nearly knocking over Lightning Dust who was in the middle of stirring something – and latches onto the stallion right next to me. Turner exhales from the force of the unexpected hug.

"Heya Dinks," he says patting the little filly on her head. "Glad to see you."

"You don't come over often enough," the filly tells him.

"What are you talking about?" Turner said. "I was here just last week."

The filly shook her head. "No, that was almost three weeks ago." She squeezed him a little tighter.

"Really?" Time Turner says. "I could've sworn I wasn't in the workshop for _that_ long."

"Geeze," I say. "For a guy who works with clocks, you don't really have a good sense of time." The filly hugging Turner giggles while he scowls at me.

Derpy and her pink unicorn friend appears behind us. She grins at the cute display of her daughter hugging her friend.

"Alright Dinky, let him go." Her daughter releases Turner, then she looks at me curiously.

"Hi," she says slowly.

"Hello," I reply.

"Oh right," Derpy says, face-hoofing. "Where are my manners? Dinky, this is my friend Rider. Rider, Dinky." She turns to the pink teenager behind her. "And this is Sparkler."

I nod a quick hello, which she returns with a wave of moderate indifference.

"You didn't tell me you had two daughters," I bluntly say. Judging by the reactions that followed, I was far from the truth.

"Oh no, Sparkler's not my daughter. She just foalsits for me sometimes," Derpy says with a light laugh.

"Yeah, I'm a little old to be her daughter," Sparkler agrees.

"Right, right. My bad," I say. _Damn, that's my second worst first impression of the day. Bucking fantastic._

Derpy laughs. "I honestly can't believe you though that, Rider. I mean seriously, I'm too young to have a daughter Sparkler's age."

The pink unicorn joins in. "Yeah, I'm guessing that wasn't your brightest moment." My ears burn.

"Hey are we going make some muffins, or stand around hammering in the fact that Rider is awkward?" Lightning Dust quips.

"Lets bake some muffins," I decide for everypony, mainly because I fear what their answer might be.

"Good, cause this was almost as bad as when you called Turner sexy," Lightning says with a smirk.

"Gah! Lightning stop bringing that up… Grrgh!" I hold out my hooves and feign strangling her.

Sparkler snorts back a burst of laughter. Derpy, Lightning, and Dinky didn't try to hold back their giggles. Time was… well, Time was doing his best to pretend like nothing was happening.

"Hehe, you're funny," Dinky tells me. I do my best to crack a smile.

"If you thought that was funny," Lightning Dust says. "Just wait till you hear about the tights."

"Okay, muffin time," I demand. Thankfully, the topic of my tights was dropped.

The next two hours go by in a blur. A very, very loud blur.

Before that afternoon, I had considered muffins to be nothing more than a tasty snack. Now I was thinking I need to reclassify them as a way of life. Derpy, her foal, Sparkler, -and hell, even Lightning Dust - were taking muffin making way too seriously.

It seems like every half-second one of the girls yell at me and Turner to stir faster, or check the oven. When they weren't doing that, they were bending over in concentration over their own work, not making a sound. Somehow I manage to work up a greater sweat baking muffins than when I raced Lightning and Derpy.

At the head of it all sat Dictator Dinky, barking orders at everypony and sampling the muffin batter at her leisure. It really didn't help when Derpy and Sparkler humor her by following her little decrees.

Mercifully the oven dings, signifying the end of our final batch of muffins.

"Thank Celestia," I mutter, yanking open the door and snatching out the tray. I wasn't even wearing oven mitts anymore; I'd been around the heat so much that I was used to it. "We're finally done."

"Aww," Dinky whines. I couldn't tell if she was upset about running out of ingredients to bake more muffins, or because now she couldn't boss around everypony around. "Do we have to stop?"

"I'm afraid so, Dinks," Turner tells her. "But now we get to eat them all!"

"Assuming six ponies can even digest twelve dozen muffins," I mutter under my breath.

"Actually, it'll be just the five of you," Sparkler amends for me. "My mom will probably flip out if I don't get home soon."

Dinky popped over to her foalsitter and gave her a hug. "Do you have to go?" She asks in probably the sappiest voice I'd ever heard.

"Unfortunately," Sparkler replies. She pats Dinky on the head. "I'll see you in a few days, all right kiddo?" Dinky nodded, but still needed to pried off the pink unicorn by her mother.

"Goodbye Ms. Derpy," Sparkler says. "Good luck with the… you know… things…"

Derpy's crossed eyes dart around and the faintest hint of pink flare on her cheeks. I found myself narrowing my eyes at the whole ordeal in curiosity. I didn't have anymore time to catch on however, because Sparkler waved goodbye to the rest of us and was out the door.

"Okay then," Time Turner spoke up. "We've got five ponies and twelve dozen muffins. With some careful math I think we can make it so everypony gets-" He found himself cut off by the sounds of Lightning Dust scarfing down the treats.

"Lightning!" he yells.

"Wuht?" She asked, mouth full.

"Every muffin for themselves!" Dinky declares, dashing toward the table and grabbing an exposed tray. Derpy giggles.

"But… my math…" Turner complains.

"Ah don't be a wuss about it," I say wrapping a hoof around him. (Not gonna lie, I might've blushed when I did that.) "Just go grab some before they're all gone." I give him a light shove forward.

I see a gray mare head for the table as well. "Hey Derpy," I call out, suddenly remembering something. "Mind if I talk to you for a sec?"

She glances back at the table. "What about the muffins?" She asks.

"There's over a hundred there," I inform her. "They'll be plenty by the time we're done."

"Okay," she reluctantly says. I lead her out of the kitchen and into the next room. "What do you want to talk about?" She asks.

"It's more of a favor I need to ask you for," I tell her.

Her eyes widen. "What do you need? Advice? Directions? Bail money?"

"No, I…" I pause for a second. "Why did you assume I need bail money?"

She shrugs. "I have a friend who gets drunk, does dumb stuff, and winds up in jail quite a bit. So… yeah, I tend to assume bail money whenever somepony asks for a favor."

"Okay then," I say slowly. "But anyway, the favor isn't for me, it's for Lightning. She needs a job."

"She does?" Derpy asks, peaking back into the kitchen at the pegasus who currently had three muffins in her mouth.

"Yeah," I say. "She'll be evicted soon if she can't pay rent. I was thinking you might know a place around Ponyville that would take her."

Derpy thought for a moment, then her eyes suddenly brightened. "Oh yeah, I definitely know a place that's hiring!"

I smile. "Awesome."

"Hey guys, you better hurry up!" Lightning Dust calls from the kitchen. "Dinky's already claimed the lion's share!"

We walk back in to the kitchen to find Dinky holding six trays of muffins close to her body. Derpy giggles at the sight. I slide on over to the table and grab the nearest blueberry muffin. After taking a quick bite I look at Lightning. She's already halfway through her own tray.

"Hey, Derpy's got a job you might be interested in," I tell her.

"Really?" She says excitedly. "That's – hic – great!"

I snicker. "Looks like somepony's got the hiccups."

"Shut – hic – up," she promptly says.

Dinky and Turner laugh. "I guess you shouldn't have eaten so fast," I taunt her. A muffin hits me in the snout, but I join in with the others and chuckle. A little huffy, Lightning gets up to talk to Derpy.

As they leave, I look at Dinky's hoard. I myself have claimed no muffin trays and find the table to be already divided up between everypony else. Scowling slightly I take a bite of the only muffin that I have.

"Any chance I could coax you into giving me a one?" I ask Dinky. Teeth deep in her treats, the filly shakes her head. "Great."

"You can have one of mine," Time Turner offers.

I glance at his muffin stash. "No thanks," I tell him. "I'm not a big fan of banana nut."

"Whatever," he says, going back to eating.

_Don't worry Time Turner, _I think to myself. _The next time you offer me a nut, I'll definitely take it!_

_…_

_Sweet Celestia, I'm a pervert._

Deciding to move one from that, I begin to devise a way to get some of Dinky's blueberry muffins. My eyes dart around the room as my mind wanders, before a pack of cards lying forlornly on a cabinate catch my attention. Suddenly a smile cracks on my face, as I know how to get those muffins.

"Hey, Dinky," I ask. She looks up at me. "Have you ever played poker before?"

* * *

As Rider took a seat at the table, Lightning followed Derpy into the nearby room so they could talk without being disturbed. Truth be told however, Lightning was just a little nervous about being alone with the bubbly pegasus. Sure, they were friends and all, but Lightning still felt awkward about when they first met and Derpy… kissed her.

Even though she had been assured that everything was all right, Dust was still nervous about being alone with her friend. She was going to power through it though. After all, they were best friends, it was bound to happen eventually.

"So you think you – hic- found me a job?" Lightning asked Derpy, voice full of hope. The gray mare giggled at the hiccups. "They're not that funny," Lightning Dust growled.

"Oh yes they are," Derpy argued. "But if you really want the gone, just hold your breath." Lightning Dust complied for a moment, and it appeared her hiccups vanished.

"Anyways, you think you found a job for me?"

"Absolutely," Derpy replied. "That is, if you want it."

"Of course I want it," Lightning told her. "I'll take what I can get. Uh… for curiosity's sake though, what did you have in mind?"

The gray pegaus grinned. "Well there's an opening at the post office. I was thinking that would be perfect for you."

"What's so perfect about it?" Lightning asked.

"Well you have to fly really fast to deliver all the mail, and you like flying fast, so I figured…"

"Hey, I like other things besides flying fast," she protested. Derpy blinked, her out of sync eyeballs looking curiously at Lightning.

"Like what?"

They stood in silence for a moment, Lightning Dust struggling to think of something.

"… Okay fine, the job's perfect for me." Derpy grinned wildly. "Are you sure the post office will hire me?" Lightning asked.

"Oh don't worry, you're already hired," Derpy assured her.

"What? But I didn't even go to an interview or anything. How…?"

"The head of the post office just decided to hire you, that's how," Derpy said.

"But I don't even… wait a minute," Lightning realized. "You?"

Derpy grinned. "Me."

Suddenly Lightning's green hooves were wrapping around Derpy in a hug. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Lightning said enthusiastically. "You have no idea what this means to me!"

"Heh, no problem Lightning," Derpy said, fighting back a blush. Before she could work up the nerve hug Lightning back, the hug ended.

"So when should I come in for work?" Lightning asked.

"Well, let's see," Derpy said. "Tomorrow's Sunday, and there's no post on Sundays. How about Monday?"

"It sounds good to me," Lightning Dust told her. "I can't believe we're going to work together."

"Yeah, it'll be great," Derpy agreed. Lightning grabbed her hoof.

"Come on, let's go tell everypony the good news." She pulled Derpy back into the kitchen.

"All right guys, I'm all in," Dinky said as they entered. The filly began adding several muffins into a large pile in the center of the table.

Lightning took an intrigued look at the scene unfolding before her. Rider, Turner, and Dinky were each holding their own set of cards, and staring intensely at each other. It seemed like they were playing some sort of game that involved betting.

"Well I fold," Turner suddenly said, putting his cards down.

"I'm in," Rider says, tossing his few muffins into the pile. Lightning glanced over at Derpy, who was watching with an open-mouthed stare.

"R-Rider!" she suddenly yelled, drawing three pairs of eyes her way. "Are you teaching my daughter how to gamble?"

"Noooooo," A very shameful looking Rider denied. Derpy drilled him with her crossed eyes. "Okay fine, yes."

"That's it," Derpy declared. "Game's over."

"Aww, but mom," Dinky protested. "I was just about to win!"

"Yeah right," Rider said. "I'm calling your bluff."

Dinky snickered. "Jokes on you then, Rider. Four kings." She laid her cards on the table and Rider threw up his hooves in defeat.

Lightning watched the whole ordeal with confusion, having never played poker – or any card game – in her entire life. Dinky reeled in her winnings joyfully.

"I can't believe this," Rider mumbled. "That filly's a wizard or something."

"I think you just got hustled, Rider," Turner said.

"Hey!" Derpy barked, drawing everypony's attention again. "No more gambling, I'm serious."

"Okay mom." Dinky frowned.

"Come on Derpy, don't punish Dinky for this. It was my idea," Rider interjected.

"I know," Derpy said. "I was talking to you."

"Oh."

Derpy squinted at him really hard, and Lightning felt like she was about to crack up. Rider was acting like a foal being scolded by his parents.

"Anyways, we actually did have something to tell you guys," Lightning says, smiling. "Derpy just hired me to be a mailmare!"

"Hey congratulations!" Turner said.

"Yeah that's… great," Rider said with the slightest hint of hesitation.

"You're going to be working with my mom?" Dinky asked Lightning. She nodded. "Cool!"

"I'd love to give you a huge celebration and all Lightning, but I think it's time I head out," Time Turner suggested.

"But you just got here Uncle Turner," Dinky complained. "Please don't go just yet."

"Sorry Dinks, but I've been away from the workshop for too long as it is. I promise it won't take me three weeks to come and visit again." He ruffled the filly's golden hair then got up to leave.

"Okay," she said, still a tad mopey. "You should visit again too, Rider. It would be fun to beat you at poker again."

"No poker," Derpy affirmed.

"Fine, fine," Rider said. "I'll teach her how to play bridge instead."

"Rider!"

"I'm going," he muttered. "See ya later Dinky." The little filly waved. "Bye Derpy. Bye Dust."

"Later," Lightning said. And just like that, she was alone with Derpy again. Well, Derpy and Dinky. Feeling the fear of awkwardness looming, Lightning said. "I should probably head out too."

"Oh," Derpy said, looking a little dejected. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty sure," Lightning said, knowing no place she could go right now would be better than Derpy's home. Unless of course it was the Wonderbolts Academy, but the odds of that happening were…

Lightning pushed the painful thought away.

"Well, goodbye."

"Oh wait, before you go," Derpy said. She ran over to the table and scooped up one of the remaining trays of muffins. "Here, these are for you."

"Whoa, really?" Lightning asked. "For me?"

"No, for the wall. Yes for you silly," Derpy said. "Go on, we still have like, eighty or so. These won't be missed."

"Thanks Derpy," Lightning said happily accepting the tray. "You really are something else."

Was it just her, or were Derpy's cheeks looking a little red?

"Well… goodbye," Derpy said.

"Bye," Lightning replied, stretching out her wings and flying towards the door.

"Goodbye Lightning Dust!" Dinky called out.

"See ya around, kiddo!" she said back.

Leaving through the front door, Lightning looked down at her tray of muffins. They were chocolate chip flavored. Somehow, Derpy had given Lightning her favorite kind of muffin, be it coincidence or intuition. Lightning Dust smiled, knowing that Derpy was completely unaware of just how much she had just done for her.


End file.
